Hysteria Lane

Sorry i haven't written...

2010-05-15T17:44:00.001-05:00

...we've been in the garden.

Halloween 2009

2009-11-01T11:49:00.001-05:00

Make a Smilebox slideshow

2009-09-11T14:53:00.000-05:00

Make a Smilebox slideshow

2009-09-10T12:51:00.001-05:00

Make a Smilebox postcard

An Artist is Born

2008-07-14T15:29:00.004-05:00

Colin has had a recent breakthrough with his communication skills.
You may remember many months ago he was well on his way to talking - learning new words and saying them frequently - as well as babbling in his very own dialectic form of Toddlerese.
Then it virtually stopped .

He decided to use a handful of words and sound effects (his preferred choice ) to get across his meaning- and that's it . He refused to use the words i know he already learned - lovely little words like 'flower' and 'squirrel' and 'owl' . Instead when prompted - either while reading together or seeing something on the Telly or in the great outdoors - he would give a resounding " NOOOO" with a sly smile and an utter look of defiance in his brow.

It was as if he was afraid to make a mistake. If he couldn't say it perfectly ( to his own satisfaction - we would always clap no matter how close he got ) he wouldn't even bother trying to say a word. Oh , no ! Was this an early sign of perfectionism ?
It does run in the family ...

Sigh . This was frustrating but i took it as a sign of typical Toddler independence and since he understood nearly all we said to him ( and each other , it seems ) i backed off.

Since mothers are doomed to compare their offspring to others ( yes, even when you KNOW better ) i would think to myself , " well , he's ahead of so & so who is still basically grunting and he is behind you know who who knows all of the names for construction and transportation vehicles . So what ? He makes himself understood and is smart as a whip . He knows how to unlock doors and get himself a snack - what else does he need right now ? So we waited.
and waited. "Nooooooo. " ; )

Well , Mama seems to have offered the proper incentive. He has been enjoying drawing lately so i went out and got him the 64 piece set of Crayola's with the pencil sharpener ( yes he has figured out how to use the sharpener already, see? NOT dumb .)
So i decided to try something.

Me : " Look Collie , NEW crayons , do you like them ."
Him : "Umm Hmm" ( emphatically a Yes)
Me: Ok , Can you say CRAYONS and Mama will give them to you.
Him : NOOOOOOOOO. ; )
Me : Just say Cray- ons . Cray - ons , see ? Just like this - Cray - ons.
Him : CWAAAAYYY - OOONNNSSS.
Me : YES !!!!
He got his crayons and went to town.

So there you have it . A new word.
And many more have followed .
He has been saying new words in rapid -fire succession ever since.

So , who says you shouldn't bribe your kids ?

Summertime

2008-07-01T20:07:00.003-05:00

Well , i am out of mourning and have moved on to the new freedom weaning has given me and my son. We are keeping busy with all kinds of fun summer activities and since i haven't posted in awhile i will share some new photos here.

i hope all of you are enjoying the sun's rays and these hazy, lazy, crazy days of summer with your friends and families...

Of Cabbages and Kings

2008-05-22T12:41:00.002-05:00

"The time has come," the Walrus said,

"to speak of many things.
Of shoes -- and ships -- and sealing wax --
of cabbages and kings."

-Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking Glass

Today is the day my son and i have changed in an irrevocable way.
We are no longer nursing.

This week i have begun the long-awaited , yet not-quite-ready for process ( for both of us )
of weaning off of the breast.
Sigh.
This fills me with so many conflicting , yet necessary and i imagine quite un-extraordinary feelings . I am sure all breastfeeding mothers go through a similar contradiction of emotions - feeling on the precipice of a new freedom , a return to the concept of "my body" , the joy of watching your baby grow and develop beyond complete and total dependence into a little person all of his own . A King of a land yet to be conquered , one of his own imagination and the wide world beyond the safety and comfort of your warm breast.
Yet you have nourished him , comforted him , eased his pain and healed his ills , all the while keeping him warm and close- as close as possible without actually being in your womb , where his tiny and tenuous life began. It felt right. It felt good and it comforted you , too.
Now it is all changing and although it is time and it is going sweetly and not painlessly , it is going. Forever.
There is a bittersweet sadness that fills its place and the tears well up in my eyes as i feel the milk leave my body , never to return . I hold my son and cradle him as he whimpers and sighs - resigned that "Mama's milk is all gone" .
My love grows exponentially to fill the gap- but does he feel it ? Will he remember this day in his bones ? I will . I know it is the 'right' thing and the right time , as we have tried before , several times with very little success and this time Colin told me it was time. He showed me signs and i started to offer other comforts in place of nursing. He accepted , a bit begrudgingly but accepted nonetheless and we eased into it , together. He cried , i cried and then we found each other again , in a new way. He is sleeping as i write this - the third time without a "nite-nite " nursing and he is breathing easily and heavily in slumber . My heart still feels heavy.
It isn't as easy as i wanted it to be.
I have cabbage leaves in my bra ( an old folk remedy that sounds and feels ridiculous , yet works) to stop engorgement and soothe the pain. I cut fresh sage and mint from my herb garden for tea to help dry up the milk and i am feasting on cabbage , sorrel and parsley soup to aid in the process as well .
I have done everything i can do now i must let time heal the rest and let go , just a little .
Sleep well , my petit chou prince. I still love you so.

Colin Turns Two- March 29, 2008

2008-04-11T14:56:00.003-05:00

Cheese and Dumplings

2008-02-29T16:31:00.007-05:00

It has been awhile since my last post as the cold weather does its best to get a stranglehold grip on my psyche. I am in uber-hibernation mode these days , barely venturing out of the house lest i frost-bite Buggle's beautiful rosy cheeks into frozen lady apples.

It has been bitter cold here and i leave the house to go to my yoga class on Sunday mornings ( my 'church' ) and to do a bit of grocery shopping- that's it . We while away the long Winter days playing games of hide and seek under the heavy blankets and 'let's cuddle and read a story' - my sneaky ways of keeping warm amidst the chill. That baby boy generates heat like a lilliputian furnace and i am no fool - i keep him close on the blustery days.

We watch the hours pass like snowflakes - which are decidedly absent from our Virginian landscape - always on the forecast but never arriving , it seems.
We keep busy putting stickers on the dog , dancing to various drumbeats- real and imagined- with our Uggs on and having tea and a mid-day snack with Winnie the Pooh ( the old one , not that horrid new version on the Dismay channel ) or Beatrix Potter - Bug's current favorite.

He repeatedly REPEATEDLY requests 'Ummies and Caw Caw" ( like the French word for Duck Canard -dangerous if mis-pronounced ) which loosely translated means - 'Tom Kitten and Jemima Puddle Duck" Over and Over and Over , as an almost-two year old is wont to do. I find myself willingly donning my inner thespian's cap and reciting along with the characters word for word. What else is a mama to do ?

At least it isn't Barney . The Great Purple One and his frighteningly annoying entourage of pod children are officially banned at our house.
Mean , i know , but really , there are limits if one wants to remain sane in the dead of Winter.

For a mean recipe to beat the Winter Doldrums visit Sunday Dinner ( it involves Dumplings )

Meme , you're it .

2008-01-31T13:39:00.001-05:00

Ok , so i was needing a good fire-starter to finally update my flagging blog entries here on Hysteria Lane - i mean it has been a COLD winter and i have really been hibernating these past few weeks ( and months) - Well , Fleur from Frangible Pie tagged me with a Meme entitled
" 7 Weird Things about me " . What ? Just 7 ? You mean i have to narrow down all the weirdness that my persnality and my life encompasses into 7 measly things ? Ha - for anyone that knows me they are really laughing at how my lazy self is going to have to work hard on this one .
But , i digress .
Onto the Weird....

7 Weird Things about Moi

(This first one is inspired by a similar Buddha-nature spirit who confessed to an unnatural love of mice and their well-being. )

1.) i once saved a mouse from impending doom while working for Nutri-System in the eighties (when they were all the rage ) I saw him- the mouse in question (as did numerous waiting clients ) race across the waiting room floor one evening around closing time . We kept many boxes of that horrid freeze-dried and vacuum -sealed food product on our shelves and i am sure he thought he was living at the Ratz-Carlton !
Anyhoo , i was ordered by my superiors to trap and kill the little bugger PRONTO -
but i just couldn't do it. After having him leave happy trails for a few excruciating days of deliberation i finally got a have-a-heart trap and promptly caught him , releasing him in the woods nearby.
A recent enjoyable viewing of Ratatouille and several Beatrix Potter videos with my son reminds me just WHY his Mommy is so weird. His little face is so in awe of all animals these days. He has a very gentle and sweet nature , not unlike a mouse.
Mice, in my humble opinion are small , maligned creatures who , yes , even as vermin , still have a place in this world - granted not in my kitchen or in a place of business.
So, go in Peace mice , i bid you well. You are VERY lucky i don't have cats anymore( due to death and my husband's unfortunate allergies.) Frida was a devoted Mouser.
Lucky for them , Lula the chihuahua is deathly afraid of mice . She poses zero threat unless you want to count the shaky growling and puffing noise that emanates from her tiny quaking frame upon sighting any small moving critter.

2. ) I enjoy munching on raw potatoes and salt.

3.) I have several dozen nick-names for my son ( like i have for all of my pets )and he responds to all of them .
He will not, however, respond if i call him 'chair' or ' le auto-bus' .

4. ) i love to sniff my dog's 'stink ears' they smell like a mix between mice ( there's that weird affection for mice again ) and chocolate - hence my nickname for her - 'Chocolate Mouse'

5.) i frequently buy books , films and CD's that i already own - out there somewhere.
They are either packed away , lost or sometimes i just forget i already have them.

6.) For someone who rarely has the opportunity or the wardrobe to accompany them anymore- i love garter belts , pantyhose and stockings, retro corseted girdles etc . under suits and demure clothing. yes , they are all uncomfortable. but i like it.
Throwback to the Fifties, anyone ??

7.) i rarely change out of my pajamas before 4:00 in the afternoon ( unless i am leaving the house which really only happens a few days a week ) I have gone outside to get the mail in full pj regalia more than once. My son frequently has 'pajama day ' with his weirdo Mama.

Well, that's seven.

See ? I am out of time already and i was just getting warmed up.

Egads - what WILL the neighbors think now ?

Thanks Fleur for exposing me .
Now i taunt Zen , Lipby, and Hazmat to the same fate .
Make me laugh , i dare you.

A New Friend

2008-01-16T13:18:00.001-05:00

I don't know who Colin likes better his ' Big Car' or ' Teddy ' but they pretty much get equal play these days. Teddy was a gift from Grammy and Grampy and the truck is from his birthday last year.

His other current favorites are his wooden 'Too-Tooey' (Brio train set) , his play kitchen and his 'Ummies' (stuffed cats ). He misses the 'stars' ( Christmas Tree) and looks for the 'Moonie' every night before bed. He has Croup , Mama's surgery , molars and the wee beginnings of toilet training under his belt now and is no worse for the wear (yet), although Mama & Dada are a little rough around the edges these days.

(outfit above knitted by Bug's great-grandmother who is 99 years young )

Mr Buggles takes it all in stride in his toddler -sized UGGS and is looking forward to turning 2 in a few short months so he can say "NO" with even more precision and confidence.

Stay tuned for more pics and Bugdates soon...

From Our Family to Yours

2007-12-28T10:43:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year !

Christmas Spirit

2007-12-18T11:25:00.000-05:00

Help spread the cheer ...

I just posted some new photos from a Holiday party we attended this past weekend on Sunday Dinner ( my foodie blog ) please visit and share the link with anyone you think might need a dose of Christmas spirit. There is nothing like some spiked eggnog , cherry-cheeked tots and twinkling lights to de-frost the most reluctant of Scrooges . It worked for the Bumble and it worked for me .
; )

Cheers !

(click on Sunday Dinner above for direct link to photos )

Getting in the Spirit

2007-12-14T12:19:00.000-05:00

Buggles got his first pair of snow boots this year.
We made a special trip to Target to get boots, mittens,hats & a snowsuit to prepare for the predicted storm on its way here from up North.

The last week or so has heralded some icy cold weather and has curtailed our family walks a bit. We were in sore need of the Christmas spirit though, so cold as it was we all bundled up and headed out for a nighttime walk in search of the first Christmas lights.

One small house ( yet to be gentrified in our upwardly mobile neighborhood) had the cutest lights and decorations and i just had to snap a few elfin shots of Colin (in last year's snowbaby jumper )in the foreground. The pictures ended up having a very fifties feel to them . A bit of nostalgia is always good for the soul.

Colin was so entranced and awed by the 'stars' that he stood stock still and frozen in front of them for several minutes, allowing for a couple of great shots to be taken.

We put up our tree , hung the lights and this weekend will finish decorating and wrapping presents. Fa la lala la la la la la.

I can feel the humbug starting to fade away little by little ...
; )

There's snow on the horizon tomorrow , too.
A white Christmas always gets me in the mood.

Sunday Paper

2007-12-04T11:29:00.001-05:00

Earth

2007-11-30T10:25:00.000-05:00

Mama Says Om ( a site i contribute to regularly ) has announced they will be closing their doors to pursue other ventures . Although saddened by the news , i understand the need for change.

My life is embarking on a sea-change of its own , i feel its rumblings just beneath the patch of earth i inhabit and i embrace it - two hands plunged into the mud . I am ready to build a new sand castle while the other washes away into the tide.

We must constantly change and grow - not unlike our children - and sometimes the process is painful and rigorous and ...scary. We cling to the idea of our comfort zone - even when it doesn't work anymore . It is a hard habit to break.

It is so easy in our current culture to discard the old for the new , to build over the earth rather than work with what we already have in order to improve it .

Sometimes it is good( and necessary) to shed an old skin or an old tooth when a new , more mature one pushes its way to the surface . Sometimes it is even better to mix a new color , plant a new crop , try a new way of seeing or doing what it is that we do instead of giving up or remaining stagnant.

Change can be healthy . Change can give birth to what was once only a dream. Staying firmly planted to the Earth in the process is the challenge.

for mama says om

Sous Chef

2007-11-25T10:43:00.001-05:00

We have decided to get my 19 month old son a play kitchen for Christmas this year. He has been showing signs of interest in the culinary arts for a few months - watching his mama cook , learning how to open drawers and cabinets , playing with bowls, measuring cups and various utensils. He even goes into my kitchen island spice pantry and re-arranges the herbs and spices .

And of course he loves to eat !
He is showing every sign of following in his Epicurean mother's footsteps . Why not encourage it ?
Why should boys miss out on all of the Foodie fun ?
I , for one admire men who can cook .
It is not so strange in Europe but here in the USA it is still not the norm to encourage boys to learn the kitchen arts . Very sad , in my humble opinion.

If i have anything to say about it , Colin will be well-versed in the kitchen and know his way around a car engine , too. ; )

see this weeks SUNDAY DINNER for more on the subject of playing with your food ....

Image Crazy

2007-11-20T13:52:00.001-05:00

Well , being in a sick bed has its advantages.
I may not be able to go out and take photographs but i can scour the archives for now...

i started a new blog called Persistence of Vision -
a photo blog of sorts -to house my more artistically inclined pieces.
If something doesn't fit here on Hysteria Lane or
at Sunday Dinner , my food blog
then it will most likely end up HERE

Please visit if you have any interest in the visual .
There should be a little something for everyone
eventually.

Remember a photo a day helps keep the Doctor away...

Giving

2007-11-18T12:10:00.000-05:00

anne lydiat

Is anyone else out there tired of giving ? Ever ?
I feel like i give 150% of myself everyday and just now as i re-cupe from surgery ( see posts below for details) i am feeling a tad used-up .

My sis-in-law sent me a topic "the Meaning of the use of the term 'Bitch' in modern society "and it really got me thinking. Being a former student of film studies and cultural criticism , of course i am familiar with this subject . It has long been discussed among feminists.
But of course , today i personalized it . I was feeling a bit bitchy, i guess.

This is what i wrote :

i am sure my husband , if asked right now , would say i am a Supreme Bitch.
He has had to take on my role for a little over a week
( with the help of babysitters AND a nanny )
and has voiced his displeasure more than once about how hard it is to take care of someone who "is difficult to be with"(and he meant me , not our 19 month old son)

Am i being a Bitch , perhaps ?
Actually, i am just a woman who is in pain ,
more or less helpless due to undergoing surgery to improve her health
and her ability to be a good wife and mother . I am a woman who is missing her baby terribly and her freedom and is in need of a little compassion and understanding during her short but necessary hiatus from
all of her 'womanly' duties.
Too much to ask ?
My husband, to be fair , is trying his best.
Am i in a bad mood and less than pleasant ?
Yes.

So what ?
Men bring their day home constantly and sometimes become angry, impatient and critical , then turn sullen , silent and unreachable at times-
all with the expectation of our understanding , tolerance and compassion.
And we give it , don't we ?
So why is it when women ask the same of their men
they get labeled and dismissed as a 'Bitch' ?
Because the true definition of Bitch is a female dog-
and when one is treated as such and gets beaten down enough ( as loyal and loving as dogs normally are to man)
- they can snarl and bite when provoked !

After all , it is our only self-defense in a world still hostile to female power.
Our voice, that is.

SO , i say -
Bite back , ladies.
We can give as good as we get , can't we ?

New

2007-11-17T09:03:00.000-05:00

After Surgery

Well, i made it . The new and hopefully improved sans uteri me.
I have yet to feel hopeful though , i have to be honest.
The new me is struggling.

I ended up having abdominal surgery again due to complications and the recovery this time around ( as opposed to my c-section )has been a bit harrowing , to say the least , but i am on the mend.

The surgery was complicated and i ended up staying in the hospital for three days before being discharged home. My husband brought my son to see me the day after my surgery and he was so shy and scared. He just gave me a tentative little smile and then grabbed me and clung to my side like a squirrel monkey , falling asleep for over an hour. I cried like a baby, it was so good to hold him. As much pain as i had , i still couldn't wait for my Doctor to release me so i could go home.

The hardest part for me , physical pain notwithstanding , is not being able to care for my son for 6 weeks. We have had to hire a temporary nanny because i cannot lift or carry or go up stairs for that long until all of my incisions heal properly. I also had bladder surgery so a lot has to re-coup before i can return to being the active Super-Mama i was before the surgery.
I am already going crazy .

I miss Colin so much it makes my heart ache. Oh sure , i get to see him throughout the day but it has become too difficult because he wants to nurse , be picked up , be lifted and swirled around and have me chase him and get on the floor to play with him.. He really doesn't understand when i try to explain why Mama can't do any of those things right now - and we both end up crying.
It is so hard. It pains me like nothing else ever has.

So , i have taken to hiding out in the bedroom, listening to another woman care for my sweet sweet little boy . At night , i lay in bed and listen to my husband upstairs playing with him and making him laugh , getting ready for bed.
He comes down with Collie in his jammies, all fresh and rosy from his bath and my baby gives me an angels soft and downy fragrant kiss .It melts me everytime.
I know , in my heart , in a a few weeks everything will be all right.We will all weather this ~
But i hate being like this. Knowing and feeling are too different things , aren't they ?
In the meantime I pray for a swift recovery but rIght now i feel like a shadow of my former self.

Whoever tells you losing a uterus is no big deal has only one foot in reality.
It is hard , no matter the circumstances , to lose a part of yourself, even one that you willingly let go of. It changes you.

And you become something, someone new.

Before- the day my son was born

Running

2007-11-06T12:16:00.001-05:00

Time is running out...

Tomorrow is my surgery.

I am having a laporoscopic supracervical hyterectomy. Or a good ol' fashioned abdominal if that doesn't work out. You see i have a fibroid uterus - one so heavy and laden with fibroids , big and small , that i am not your ususal candidate for the least invasive and relatively 'new' type of surgery available to women these days.

No , gals , this isn't your Grandma's hysterectomy.
And i get a whack at it , because of my brave and talented doctor . He will try his very best to perform a minamally invasive surgery to remove my broken-down used car of a uterus and leave all of my other gadgets intact. Wish me luck - there are complications too numerous and gory to go into detail , suffice it to say i could use some prayers and a rabbit's foot . Otherwise , it is the not-so-nice option.

I am emotionally ambivalent about giving up my uterus. It has served me well , housing and nurturing my precious angel of a son , against all odds and delivering him unto me , unscathed. I have avoided this surgery , running in fear from it for many years . And i have a child because i did. But now it is time to face my uterus and my fear.

Other than its one great triumph - my uterus has constantly been under attack , or colluding with the enemy to bring me down . Time to send it packing.
Like an abusive lover or an old pair of running shoes who do more harm than good .
All attachments, aside . Time to go.
Goodbye to you.
I bid you adieu .
The uterus ,that is , not 'you' .
I am not quite done here yet ........

Halloween

2007-11-01T17:48:00.000-05:00

Trick or Treat !

Colin was a Jester this year at the Renaissance Fair and a Bumblebee on Halloween .
I don't know which is cuter .....

Lula was pretty cute , too !

Laugh for the Day

2007-10-18T19:10:00.000-05:00

This video was sent to me by my niece Kate who is away at her first semester at NorthEastern University in Boston . She was our primary babysitter this past year and we miss her dearly.
Is it any wonder why ?
How cute is this ?

Our Buggles & Lula

Purify

2007-10-03T12:43:00.000-05:00

I found this beauty - swallowtail or Monarch caterpillar?
I am embarrassed to admit i cannot tell the difference ( my days as Naturalist Extraordinaire are numbered ) when i went to cut herbs for soup yesterday.

This week's theme at Mama Says Om is Purify and it is a good time of year to think about purification. Especially if you have a house like mine that is hosting the flu this week. ( Knock on Wood) i have yet to succumb but my husband has it and my little boy had a runny nose today so i am holding my breath hoping it doesn't follow the usual chain of command. All this has inspired me to scour my herb garden and come up with a bombastic blend of culinary and apothecary goodness to do battle with the Germ army marching it's way though my door. I made two soups in as many days - one good ol' fashioned chicken soup and an Asian seafood soup armed to the gills with shitake and maitake mushrooms, Siam Queen Basil and Lemongrass from my herb patch.

Both were delicious and gobbled up with gusto by my sickies. Now i just need to say a little prayer and do a rain dance ( mostly so i won't have to water my roses ) and all the bad energy should float away and i will be left with a happy, healthy and harmonious home , right ?

At least that's the idea behind my purification ceremony.

Monkey in the Middle

2007-09-24T12:15:00.000-05:00

" I would not creep along the coast but steer
Out in mid-sea, by guidance of the stars..."
-George Eliot - Middlemarch

It seems I have been 'tagged' by AscenderRisesAbove for a Meme ( i always thought that a Meme was a grandmother - shows how 'square' i really am )
Square peg in a round hole , more like.
Anyway , i digress...

I guess this particular meme is a middle name game where one applies a fact to each letter of their middle name that would reveal something about themselves and then at the end tag a person per letter to do the same . So here i go . Sort of.
Seems simple enough as i only have three letters in my middle name .
Ann. yup , just Ann - pretty boring , huh ?
I always thought i should have had an interesting or exotic middle name like Evangeline or Melusina or something.
Well, i will just to have to work with what i have...

A is for Aspiration

"The young have aspirations that never come to pass, the old have reminiscences of what never happened. It's only the middle-aged who are really conscious of their limitations--that is why one should be so patient with them." Saki- Reginald

A spirations... as a mother i now have more aspirations than ever , heaven help me. Not only do i want to finish my novel someday, have a proper showing of my photographs , really learn French this time, play the piano , become a yoga instructor , make a smaller ecological footprint ( both literally and figuratively ) and have regular dinner parties with anything but regular guests- NOW (post-child) i aspire( and feel a great need ) to do something to help foster world peace , to get my spiritual act together so i don't end up confusing my son , get in great physical and mental shape , start a children's library , learn about trains , set a good example in speech and manners , show some minuscule interest in Sports ( does Tai Chi count ?) , get CPR certified, get organized , the list goes on and on.
The single hardest thing i have been trying to do is JUST BE , which believe it or not , i actually succeed at most of the time.
This is why i suck at regularly updating my Blogs .
Please forgive me.
I guess I am like that little plant always leaning toward the sun , trying to grow against all odds. But i guess that is the point of an aspiration , right ?
More simply put ;
A for always trying.

N is for NO

"I am sure that if the mothers of various nations could meet,
there would be no more wars."- E.M. Forster - Howard's End

No more War. I would like to watch my child grow up in a peaceful world.
I want to live there, too.

N is also for Negativity - life is full of irony

"People deal too much with the negative, with what is wrong.
Why not try and see positive things, to just touch those things and make them bloom? " -Thich Nhat Hanh

Nix on Negativity. I would hereby like to banish all negative thoughts, deeds and words from the lexicon of my life.
At least for 15 minutes per day....

oooh , that was kind of negative wasn't it ?
; )

And last but not least , here are my tags.
Learn something new from someone you don't know
( isn't that the whole point of Blogs anyway ?)

A dAncelikenooneiswatching

N fraNgiblepie

N thepiNkyshow

Just a little... R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

2007-09-17T11:16:00.001-05:00

Respect is the theme this week at Mama Says Om and the word has SO many possibilities when applied to parenting , doesn't it ?

It can mean learning a healthy self-respect which leads to confidence and self-esteem later in life. It can mean honoring one's parents and elders for the knowledge they bestow to their children and young ones. It can mean treating others the way that you want to be treated .
It can stand for the deference we show to those in authority ( that is if they live up to the job - unlike our current Presidental administration , i am NOT afraid to say ) On a more Zen note -it can also mean caring for the world we share with other living beings.
This is where i choose to pay homage this week.

My son is seventeen months old and has always seemed to be especially aware of the natural world, but lately he seems to have discovered it on another level. He gently cocks his little head to hear the cicadas whirr in the trees, he points to far-off black specks in the sky which i can barely make out to be birds , he softly caresses the stems and petals of flowers and plants on our walks.

He learned the sign for stars before he could say it and now excitedly makes the sign and says "star" with such enthusiasm i am afraid he won't be able to sleep.
He feeds our chihuahua Nooni by hand with such tenderness it almost brings tears to my eyes .( ok - it does) His new favorite 'friend' is his stuffed Panda Xiao Ling ,from our recent trip to the National Zoo . He didn't try to chase the colorful and exotic chickens at the roadside animal park like the other small children - he only squealed in delight and threw some food for them at his feet. He oohh-ed and ahhh-ed and proclaimed "wow" all day at the National Aquarium when we visited one rainy Sunday afternoon.

It is then that i realized my little son has a healthy, innate respect for Nature -even before i got a chance to 'teach' it to him.
He somehow knew to respect the world into which he was born . Maybe all children are born with this absolute pure and joyful recognition of how special our planet and our place in it is ? I don't know but i so look forward to fostering his love for Nature with every new day that opens before us.

I think he can teach me a thing or two , too.

2007-09-05T14:09:00.000-05:00

The end of summer always brings with it a sense of melancholy but this year i find myself welcoming the end of the blistering heat and all of the domestic strife my family has been suffering these past few months. As the heat fades and the tide comes in , it seems that life is settling into a more comfortable place lately.

My step-daughter continues to heal and my son continues to grow. Colin just turned 17 months and is FINALLY a true toddler - walking AND talking his way through his little life like a miniature Frankenstein . He even has the growl down- rrrrowwrrr ( this he learned while reading Animalia by Graeme Base . You know , "lazy lions lounging in the library" ? He is busy destroying our house, the village is next.

He loved the beach this year . No more fear of the ocean - just a good , healthy respect. He ran right toward the waves holding our hands like a baby sea turtle trying to return from whence he came.

My favorite moments are of him playing in the surf while the gentle tide formed pools at the edge- just the right size for Bug to explore and wade in safely on his own. He played unencumbered by any sense of time and watching him was like a meditation for me.
It was something my battered heart needed badly.

My husband calls him our 'little band-aid ' because he has such a comforting and healing effect on us . Life can be so difficult at times but these sweet little babies keep us afloat , don't they ? Yes, they are exhausting and SO much work but it is a trade-off for moments like this . Just look at him , so at peace , so happy in the world. In his own skin.

If only we could go there more often , too.

Baby Steps

2007-08-02T15:41:00.000-05:00

for mama says om

Well , days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months . With time comes change and with change comes the decision to 'go with the flow' .

We have decided to preserve our annual family vacation to the beach this year , even with the unpredictability of my Step-daughter's daily struggle to beat her eating disorder.
She has been trying really hard in her program to overcome the pull of this insidious and tenacious disease. It has not been easy for her. Or us.

She will be transitioning into a part-time program this week and with any luck she will be joining us for at least part of our vacation, albeit in a slightly altered form . There will be guidelines( one of which is ZERO exercise) and a structure for meals that never existed before. It will be challenging for all of us but we are all in alignment on this to offer her the support she needs for a successful recovery. Fingers crossed , all will go fairly well and she might even be able to have some much-needed fun.

Exciting news on the baby front ....

Bug decided to take his very first unaided steps yesterday !!! YAY , Colin !!!

He has been physically able for weeks now but would not walk without holding onto a finger while toddling along beside us. He just turned 16 months and we were beginning to wonder if he was ever going to do it . He just needed to make up his mind to do it .He is a brave but cautious little boy .I guess that is a good thing in the grand scheme of things.

He was over his cousin Kate's house when he first tried it ( of course , we missed it !)But later that night, he was playing with his favorite truck and made a pirouette into a stand and VOILA ! One foot in front of the other - steps !!!

We are so proud our kids have turned out to be so brave and persevering.
Toddler & teenager .
It takes those initial baby steps to get started on any new endeavor , but it is
the decision to take those first steps is what propels us forth into a brave new world.

Good work , kids.

Honesty

2007-07-10T17:36:00.000-05:00

We are having a hard time.

It has been a long , trying month - emotionally , physically, psychologically , financially and situationally EXHAUSTING.

Bug is teething , again. ( has he ever stopped??) He has been nursing non-stop like a newborn for weeks now. Yeouch!

I am anemic , again- still battling the fibroids that continue to make my life hell. Surgery is in my imminent future- yes , i know ALL of the pros and cons and it makes little difference. I am having a partial hysterectomy in the next year - like it or not. Just thinking about this makes me depressed ( more than i already am , if that's possible.)

The housing market back home where i still have my house is in a major slump and is beginning to show signs of neglect which doesn't help its saleability in the least. The pressure of getting it emptied and spruced up so we can unload it is mounting.

A recent trip home made me sad and i miss my family ( crazy as they are ) and my friends and old stomping grounds something awful . Buggy refused to sleep in my house - he was scared and like a fish out of water when bedtime came. I got what felt like zero sleep. It was a tough trip.

On the last day on our way home after an idyllic day at a friend's house and pool we got word that my step-daughter had been admitted to a re-hab facility for eating disorders over the fourth of July weekend. She is stable but having a difficult time accepting this decision.
From joy to devastation in 0-60 - We are stunned at how fast a mood could be ruined these days.

We have been shuttling back and forth to various therapy and doctor appointments since we got back home and we are more than a little rough around the edges. I just feel like crying all of the time , but frankly , i am too tired to muster the energy needed for a good cry just now.

My husband is having a hard time managing his anxiety around all of it, too - the house , the extra mortgage , the baby , our marriage , my health , my step-daughter's health , work , and all of the financial unknowns that loom overhead like some great cloud of locusts in our once clear- blue sky.

I know it has to get better soon , but when ??

There is my honesty .

I have decided to put it out in the open where it can't hurt me . Feels like a good place for it.

Focus...

2007-06-10T10:30:00.000-05:00

Bug is changing by leaps and bounds - watching his motor/emotional development is like watching a rosebud open , petal by petal - the small incremental changes imperceptible to the naked eye but change the focus to time-lapse and it becomes swift and irrevocable. Like time itself. I try to focus on every detail , but this , of course is impossible. His focus is laser sharp and ever-changing - on everything and anything that catches his eye. He is like a heat-seeking missile of energy , absorbing and lighting up everything in his path. His gaze has become more focused and intentional. He can hold your eyes with his for a long and meaningful moment now , allowing you to see, however briefly that he is in charge of his own ship now . And he is focused on the high sea.

inspired by Mama Says Om

Memorial Day at the River

2007-05-31T06:50:00.000-05:00

We spent Memorial Day in West Virginia on a 20 acre riverfront property newly purchased by my husband's sister and her husband. They plan on building a 'home away from home' on the land and sharing it with the family.

It is a diamond in the rough right now but one with endless brilliant possibilities. We all had a grand time frolicking in the woods and water like wide-eyed children discovering the wonders of nature again. Colin really reveled in the experience and i think he is going to love exploring there as he grows through the years. It is only an hour and 1/2 from the D.C. area but feels a world away.

It is a magical spot.

Love is in Bloom...

2007-05-23T07:36:00.000-05:00

Love is in bloom in our house.
Zoe is unquestionably 100% in love with Colin.
Just look at the two of them together. I think the feeling is mutual.

My step-daughter had a hard time initially with the idea of having a new
brother. SHe already had her older brother Duke and was always thought of as the 'baby' . On the cusp of womanhood , she is struggling like all adolescent girls her age with what it means to grow up. She is having a hard time -
with body issues, social pressures and any change that adds more to the already overwhelming list of what makes being a teenage girl so tough.

We were wondering if she would reject Colin as she was less than thrilled to hear the news about his imminent arrival. Well , everyday she warmed up to the idea as she got to hold him and interact with him. It really started to take hold though as he grew more and more curious - about HER. He would reach out and touch her , laugh and try to make her laugh. They are really becoming fast friends. There is a lot of nuzzling and kissing going on now.

Now Zoe tells her Dad , " I can't wait to see Bug !" and she really means it.
You can see it in her face when she looks at him. Her smile is full of rose petals. We recently got her this funky new bedding full of flowers for her room at our house and she and the baby spent all day playing together in their new 'garden'.

Our backyard is a blank canvas that i have just begun to paint. I recently added 40 roses, wisteria, lilacs and various other flowering shrubs to it before i go on to plant countless perennials and my long-awaited kitchen garden.

So in the meantime , i am willingly looking in other places for my blooms these days. I didn't have to go too far to find what i was looking for this time ...

inspired by mama Says Om

Haiku Mama

2007-05-15T14:30:00.000-05:00

Chasing butterflies
small arms reaching to the sky
learning how to walk

one bigger brother
teaching the little boy blue
to press our buttons

Mother's day tulip
you give so much already
my heart blooming full

small boy, smaller dog
erupting into laughter
turning into tears

Oh , boy is THIS fun !
It's a good thing i have laundry or i wouldn't stop...

My Child...

2007-05-08T10:51:00.000-05:00

turns toward the sun

rolls his body languidly in the family bed

reaches his peachy arms to touch the sky

bends his slipper shell ear to listen

points his elfin toes in anticipation

tries to walk in his Daddie's shoes

crawls with purpose after the dog on all fours

stuffs his peony bud mouth full of golden eggs , then grins

laughs as if there is no tomorrow

my child

a tiny buddha

full of joy

for mama says om

Happiness

2007-05-03T14:57:00.000-05:00

Happiness is being loved, on vacation, naked on the porch , without a care in the world...

Summer is here !

for mama says OM

Taking the Silence to the Sea

2007-04-20T08:00:00.000-05:00

I am leaving today with my husband and son to travel to South Carolina to spend a week at the shore. Never has there been a better time to let the warmth of the sun and the sea air wash over us. We are battling early Spring colds, the last of the winter blues and heavy hearts in light of recent events. We NEED this break. We were lucky enough to have friends invite us to stay with them at their vacation house rental. Perfect timing.

I am hoping that i can return refreshed and renewed- ready for a new season and a summer full of love.

I will post pictures from the Cherry Blossom festival when i get back.

See you next Sunday.
Be well.

Silence

2007-04-17T11:11:00.000-05:00

There is a silence in my heart today.

By now , you all have probably heard about the tragedy that took place in Virginia yesterday. This took place mere miles from the quiet , safe , insulated suburban community of Arlington, where we live. But this could have happened to my step-son who thankfully, in this instance, chose to go to a different college far from home.

Tragically , it did happen to someone's child , to many other children . There are countless grieving parents in our neighboring town today.
It is in that respect that this great loss has happened to each and every one of us . This has happened to every parent who places faith into the idea that our children will be kept safe in this world. Somehow, some way.

Something went terribly, terribly wrong yesterday in Blacksburg and instead innocent children lost their lives in a senseless , random act of violence. So we grieve instead of smiling today when we think of our children.

It has been anything but silent here as the news media, authorities and parents of the slain college students scramble for answers. It has turned into a Guinness Book of World Record's media frenzy " the most slain ever in the United States ! " circus of horrors. Everyone is blaming everyone else and little , if anything is shedding any light onto the question on every one's lips today "WHY ?" .

We will probably never know all of the reasons why this happened, that answer was in the mind of the young man who committed this desperate and devastating act. He is dead now, along with his victims . His voice, their voices silenced forever by the barrel of an automatic weapon.

So , I am quiet today inside, too. In their memory.
I sit here in silence trying to remember.
Trying to forget.

I ask anyone who reads this to share in a moment of silence and to pray for the families who lost someone that they loved yesterday . Go hug your kids and show them something beautiful today . Sit in silence together and count your blessings . Remember that everyday is a gift. Today , more than ever, it seems.

Peace

2007-04-10T10:58:00.000-05:00

Is there anything more peaceful than a sleeping child's face ?

for Mama Says Om

The Bunny Trail

2007-04-09T11:08:00.000-05:00

We have now made it through two major Springtime events - Colin's first birthday and his 'first' official Easter .

We had a wonderful day with friends and family - it was small and intimate - the exact opposite of his raucous birthday bash. My step-daughter came over early to help prepare dinner ( see my sister food blog Sunday Dinner for a great step-by-step iilustrated (and easy) rack of lamb recipe ) and my fellow ex-pat
friend from up North , Ken joined us.

We ate heartily and enjoyed watching Colin explore the contents of his first Easter basket. His basket had TWO stuffed bunnies - one hand knit by my 99 year old grandmother and the other a gift from Mama. This is probably due in no small part that i remember getting a new stuffed bunny every Easter from my mother and i wanted to recreate that happy memory for my little guy.
He also had a fuzzy chick in an Easter cup given to him by his Uncle Paul and a stuffed 'peep' from CVS , along with a dozen hollow plastic eggs and a handheld twirly star . Oh , and a Spongebob beach pail.
After playing with each item for the two minutes required by proper toddler etiquette
Colin, with great ceremony, dropped each item one by one onto the floor . By the end of the meal it looked like a hand grenade had been surreptitiously mixed in with the plastic eggs. The handle was broken off of the cup , each egg was missing it's other half and the stuffed friends were arrayed on the floor looking in need of C.S.I. chalk lines.
Quel' mess !!!

Our little bunny had a grand time and that is all that really counts. What's a little mess ( ok , a BIG mess ) in the face of such unabashed joy ?

I can't remember when i had so much fun on Easter. Children really do revive old traditions and bring meaning back to the holidays. Maybe someday i will even take him to Church , that is if the roof doesn't cave in on my head when i walk in the door !
Then again , maybe i will just bring him outdoors to smell the tulips and explain that God is everywhere...

The Life of the Party

2007-03-30T09:00:00.000-05:00

My little boy turned One yesterday.
Sigh.
My intsy weentsy spider is now a Toddler -
he is toddling , soon to be on his own two little feet !
My baby bug is not such a baby anymore.
He is ONE YEAR OLD.
Wow, did that go by fast or what ?

His party on Saturday was a smashing success - although we missed all of you from back 'home'. Your absence was keenly felt and we wished you could have been there. Thank to all of you who sent gifts & cards . It was a special day.

Mr. Buggles was so on board through the entire party from start to finish- it was amazing to me. I went in to this thinking it was more about us celebrating the success of our first year with baby - that he would barely be aware that the party was for HIM. Wrong ! He knew completely and utterly that he was being celebrated!

He laughed and played with all of the guests as he was being passed around like a party favor.
He tasted all the h'ors deuvres , drank punch, ate cake and clapped while opening his presents. He even kept his party hat on !
He really had a good time - that was evident by the ear to ear grin he wore all day.

I am so happy that we decided to throw a big party afterall , like i said before -
you only turn One once !

(For more birthday pics click on the Flickr banner on the sidebar to your right >
They are in a set called ' 1st Birthday' )

Invitation

2007-03-23T15:44:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow is my son's birthday party for his first year on Earth with us. His actual birthday is March 29th but his big brother is home from college this weekend and we wanted him to be able to celebrate with us.

It started off as a small thing with me baking a small birthday cake and having Duke & Zoe , my husband and his mother at home. It has grown into a 35+ shindig and now i am making a BIG cake & cupcakes & canapes , etc. to please a growing crowd.
Oh , well .
The more the Merrier-
you only turn One once !

Bathed in Light

2007-03-19T16:21:00.001-05:00

This photo was taken when my son was 6 months old and it was easier for me to bathe him in the bathroom sink - he was growing fast but he still liked it even though he was practically spilling out the sides by then. I think it reminded him of being in the womb , all snug as a bug.

I remember the sunlight was streaming in through the skylight that day. It bathed his sweet skin in this ethereal golden velvet coat and i felt compelled to grab my husband and make him take this photograph then and there.

It has become one of our favorite photographs of him ( and we have amassed THOUSANDS, already !! ) It reminds me of one of those artistic Kohler sink ads.

He is the light of our lives and this photograph symbolizes how soft and gentle that light still feels to us. It is a light that comforts .
It is a light that washes us clean like children again.

inspired by Mama Says Om

Oh, How We Grow !

2007-03-18T15:08:00.000-05:00

Colin , in the past week or so has grown exponentially.

He has learned to say 'Mama' ( yay!), crawl ' properly' , pull himself to a stand ,sit down, cruise along furniture, sing, clap his hands , feed himself and soothe himself to sleep by humming , and hold a book and turn the pages on his own.

My big boy !!!

It is so much fun to watch him grow and see him truly interact with us and others now. He turns one year old on March 29th and it is amazing how fast this first year went. Everyone tells you how fast the time flies with children but you just have no idea until you look at the calendar and marvel at the rapidity of time's passage.

Wow.
It is all i can say .

For now , anyway.
; )

Joy

2007-03-11T16:21:00.000-05:00

Joy is remembering that 11 months , 1 week and 3 days ago I gave birth to this amazingly joyful little creature.

How is it that God can fit so much loving kindness inside a tiny pint-sized heart ? That secret is the answer to World Peace , i just know it.
If we all could remember what it feels like to be so joyful in our skin we could appreciate how precious this LIFE really is.

One year at a time, one month at a time, one week at a time, one day at a time, one hour at a time , one minute at a time, one breath at a time.

Just Joy , Joy , Joy .

Nothing but Joy.

inspired by Mama Says OM

For a much longer ( and perhaps tedious! ) treatise on JOY , please see my previous post " I have a Mind to be Joyful "

Ever-changing , Never Static

2007-03-04T16:20:00.000-05:00

I wasn't going to post for Mama Says Om this week because "Static" , the theme for this week , threw me. Immersed in laundry , baskets and bushels full , all i could think of were the necessity of those handy anti-cling dryer sheets at this time of year.
But static , clung. As it were.

All i have to do is look at my beautiful , growing, baby boy and i realize NOTHING ever stays the same. Change is inevitable, like it or not. It moves us ,moves with us or moves through us but it moves just the same.

We totter along through life at a snails pace or zip through it like a March hare and all along change takes place before our eyes like a fine moss growing on a stonewall, filling in the cracks and crevices that we and the ravages of time leave behind.

My boy's smile is now sprinkled with snowflake teeth , his hair downy swirls where the tender pink of his softspot once showed through. He pulls his little body into a stand , crawls on all fours like a small fragrant animal and gives a kiss when asked.

These things are all new and keep morphing into newer and different things with each passing day. He is changing all of the time now.
And i am , too.

I am learning to count each day as precious and unique and never to come again. I am able to look forward to each new day as a day in which i will receive yet another fleeting gift of something new. The new soon to be old but with the promise of more to come.

To be static is to cease to grow , to stagnate , to forget that we have but one chance to make it all count on this good green Earth.
It is too easy to forget that we are all moving forward in time , one baby step at a time .
Change is always the field ahead of us.

We have to remember to make room for this change , to water our plants and to remember how beautiful it is to watch them grow.

I guess that is why the camera was invented. To capture this passage of time and remind us how lovely it all was and is.

It Still Snows in Virginia

2007-02-27T14:18:00.000-05:00

Here's the evidence...

The Further Adventures of Baby & Chihuahua

2007-02-20T11:29:00.000-05:00

i couldn't resist....

A Belated Valentine

2007-02-18T17:35:00.000-05:00

I know , i know , it is four days past Valentine's Day but i am a hopeless romantic and since i have had a miserable sinus condition on THE day ( as well as my birthday which was and is , unfortunately always the day after - i didn't get to celebrate. Not really.
We also got clobbered with one hell of an ice storm this week and have been 'iced' in and unable to leave the house.
The one fun thing i did do was to bake a Red Velvet Cake with N. , my friend from home (she baked hers there and i baked my version here , both of which will be featured in Sunday Dinner this week ). Baking is always a good answer to the bad weather / under the weather blues . At least for me !

I dressed my little cherub all in red for the holiday gave him a classic Winnie the Pooh for his valentine . He already has Tigger. Now he needs Piglet , Eeyore , Kanga, Roo & Christopher Robin. I have started reading the Pooh series to him and he seems to really enjoy it , listening intently , giggling and helping to turn the pages.
I still love Winnie the Pooh and Beatrix Potter and Wind in the Willows. I must have some Brit in me because i love English humor, as well. I hope Mr. Buggles enjoys them as much as i did growing up.

Well , it is snowing again. Just a squall but enough to make it feel like the dead of winter, which i guess it is. I was halfway to Spring in my mind so it makes it hard to get excited about this blustery weather. I am making soup for dinner and going to bed early. The only thing to do in this weather is hibernate.

Bug is fast asleep ( not in his crib) with Winnie ,Tigger & Lula and i am not far behind.......

Crib Notes

2007-02-13T11:23:00.000-05:00

Wee DeeDee now has a crib !

He has yet to sleep in it but he seems to like it alright when he is awake.
Of course , he is ALREADY standing up in it and trying to 'go over the wall' but that's beside the point. He has been showing signs of independent sleeping for awhile now ( of course this means he will rollover in the bed and sleep , by himself for about an hour and then he wakes up wailing) but he used to have to be physically attached to me in order to sleep so it is a big stride for ( both ) of us.
We are waiting for his new mattress to arrive before actually attempting to make him sleep in his new crib ( it is actually borrowed from friends )which sort of resembles a sleigh bed -cum- Gallic prison. It is a bit dark and heavy for my taste but it sort of matches the antique rocker we have in his room .
Anyway , the mattress.

The one that came with the crib is like a slab of concrete. I get the whole safety SIDS prevention thing but , c'mon ! This thing is - no lie- like sleeping on a cellar floor- no give and no comfort that's for sure. There is NO WAY Colin will EVER fall asleep on that box o' rocks.
He is , after all , used to swaying gently like the breeze in his ultra-cushy papasan swing OR drifting off to Neverland in our uber-comfortable Tempur-pedic bed with a warm parent on either side.
The kid knows from comfort.

So , i did my usual Googling until i found a SAFE version of a Tempur-pedic type bed for infants/toddlers . Target has a decent one but i found the Rolls Royce at BabyAge. It has two sides, one for babies and one for toddlers and so , fits the bill nicely. More importantly , it feels like something I could sleep on. The antithesis of 'slab'.

So , all we have to do is wait . In a few weeks we get to stay up all night trying to get him to sleep in his baby monkey cage. Until then , i will savor the time i have left to both sleep and cuddle my baby.

***************************************************************

Don't forget to check out what's cooking this week at Sunday Dinner...
http://sundaydinnerathysterialane.blogspot.com/2007/02/more-comfort-food-for-cold-weather-pot.html

Baby It's Cold Outside !

2007-02-05T16:03:00.000-05:00

We have all been feeling a bit under the weather in this house. The weather itself has turned bitter cold and chased us inside again. We have all fallen prey to the sneezing and sniffling of winter legend and have decided to hibernate, sleeping in and taking LOTS of naps in between busy family life.Poor Cholula , our hapless chihuahua , thinks this weather is for the birds and has to be forced outside in the morning to do her ' business'. Our friends in NY bought her a Paris Hilton inspired parka for Christmas and it keeps her warm but she is SO embarrassed by it she can barely stand it ! It is so ridiculous that we can't help but laugh when she has it on and it only adds to her chagrin. Poor , Nooni !

Colin looks like Ralphie's brother from "A Christmas Story" when he is all bundled up and can barely move from having his chub wrapped in layers.
I still can't find my favorite winter coat ( in storage somewhere ) so i patch together this rather pathetic Annie Hall-ish outfit of long sweater with missing buttons , mismatched gloves, worn boots and whatever scarf falls out of the closet when i rummage for the sweater. What a motley crew we make ! Is it any wonder we prefer to stay in and cuddle when it is so cold outside ?

This weather is great for comfort cooking , too. See this week's SUNDAY DINNER post for a great , simple recipe for homemade Macaroni & Cheese.

So , we have been trying to catch up on sleep lately by sleeping in and taking lots of naps. This is a bit like trying to catch snowflakes in a jar , not really possible but the idea is nice. We try anyway.
Baby is winning so far...

Song - for Mama Says Om

2007-01-31T08:12:00.000-05:00

a song begins in the heart
just three chords
yours, mine and the half-chord between us

this life
breath sweet as summer rain
washing the dust from our hearts
making music from pain

we sing
our heartbeats sound
the rhythm of this world

this cry
in harmony with our own
our little song

we sing

What's For Dinner ?

2007-01-23T18:46:00.000-05:00

I love to cook and i love cooking for others, especially my family.
As a mother of a nine month old i cannot cook anything too time consuming or elaborate these days so i have been gathering easy , healthy but satisfying recipes from my archives and from some of my favorite food sites and magazines as well as from friends and my own cookbook collection.

There is nothing like sharing a good meal with good friends and family so i have decided to write a weekly tribute to this idea. It will be a sister Blog to Hysteria Lane , dedicated to food and cooking and all joys culinary. Please join me every Sunday at my other site entitled SUNDAY DINNER.

http://sundaydinnerathysterialane.blogspot.com/

I will include a link on Sundays to the newest post as a reminder .

Please drop by for a bite !

Acceptance- For Mama Says Om

2007-01-20T19:19:00.000-05:00

I accept that i am loved.

I Have a Mind to be Joyful

2007-01-18T12:27:00.000-05:00

Today i want to write about joy.

Too often in life we find much to complain about. The daily struggles, annoyances, trials, tribulations and problems that are all too easy to obsess and worry about endlessly - and eclipse the joy that would otherwise be found in the spaces that negativity has chosen to fill. I say 'chosen' because i believe we consciously (as well as unconsciously) make choices everyday about our own happiness. I know i do.

I am ashamed to admit that i am less than mindful many times throughout the day - instead my mind is full- a messy cobweb of emotions and neuroses , lists and voices pulling me this way in that - getting in the way of my daily experience of joy.
What is the answer , you ask ?

God, if i know but then again there are hints along the way - if only you keep your eyes and heart open to them.
Watching my baby son grow into himself day by day is a true eye-opener for me.

This weekend i handed Colin a clementine and i watched him palm it lovingly , pinching it carefully between his thumb and forefinger, slowly feeling its dimpled skin. He held it up to his cheek and then closer still to his eye as if he was searching for something inside its flesh. He put it to his tiny mouth and with great concentration , bit into it until it squirted juice all over his chin.
He just looked up and smiled the smile of the Ancients at us- like he discovered the Meaning of the Universe right then and there in that small citrus fruit.
And i think that he did.

He was so utterly joyful in that moment that it brought to mind an old Buddhist teaching i had read years ago on Mindfulness by Thich Naht Hanh. Since i also love to cook ( and eat !) this takes on even more meaning for me.

This is a bit long but i implore you Dear Readers , to take a moment to read and contemplate his oh-so-wise words. If we can all remember to do this even a few minutes of each day what a difference in our lives it would make.

Mindful Eating

by Thich Nhat Hanh
Unified Buddhist Church

Mindful eating is very pleasant. We sit beautifully. We are aware of the people that are sitting around us. We are aware of the food on our plates. This is a deep practice. Each morsel of food is an ambassador from the cosmos. When we pick up a piece of a vegetable, we look at it for half a second. We look mindfully to really recognize the piece of food, the piece of carrot or string bean. We should know that this is a piece of carrot or a string bean. We identify it with our mindfulness: "I know this is a piece of carrot. This is a piece of string bean." It only takes a fraction of a second.

When we are mindful, we recognize what we are picking up. When we put it into our mouth, we know what we are putting into our mouth. When we chew it, we know what we are chewing. It's very simple.

Some of us, while looking at a piece of carrot, can see the whole cosmos in it, can see the sunshine in it, can see the earth in it. It has come from the whole cosmos for our nourishment.

You may like to smile to it before you put it in your mouth. When you chew it, you are aware that you are chewing a piece of carrot. Don't put anything else into your mouth, like your projects, your worries, your fear, just put the carrot in.

And when you chew, chew only the carrot, not your projects or your ideas. You are capable of living in the present moment, in the here and the now. It is simple, but you need some training to just enjoy the piece of carrot. This is a miracle.

I often teach "orange meditation" to my students. We spend time sitting together, each enjoying an orange. Placing the orange on the palm of our hand, we look at it while breathing in and out, so that the orange becomes a reality. If we are not here, totally present, the orange isn't here either.

There are some people who eat an orange but don't really eat it. They eat their sorrow, fear, anger, past, and future. They are not really present, with body and mind united.

When you practice mindful breathing, you become truly present. If you are here, life is also here. The orange is the ambassador of life. When you look at the orange, you discover that it is nothing less than fruit growing, turning yellow, becoming orange, the acid becoming sugar. The orange tree took time to create this masterpiece.

When you are truly here, contemplating the orange, breathing and smiling, the orange becomes a miracle. It is enough to bring you a lot of happiness. You peel the orange, smell it, take a section, and put it in your mouth mindfully, fully aware of the juice on your tongue. This is eating an orange in mindfulness. It makes the miracle of life possible. It makes joy possible.

From my own experience i know being a mother with all of its responsibilities and obligations can distract you from yourself, your life and your joy.
Or it can bring you closer to all three.
Motherhood can be a meditation, too.

So I am trying my best to remember to be more mindful .
I will eat more oranges and remember to find joy in the everyday. And hopefully joy will find me at home more often than not.

Almost Famous

2007-01-10T16:50:00.000-05:00

Okay , i admit it , i really don't have time to dither around with my new 'toy' but i did waste precious moments today capturing a rather imperfect , perfectly amateurish video of my adorable baby son playing tug o' war with Cholula , our equally cute chi chi pet. I gifted myself a Canon Powershot Elph (600 series- all metal construction 'cuz mommies drop stuff) for Christmas and it has a video feature. I just pointed and shot and this is what i got. Yeah , i know it is a little wonky and wobbly but that's becuse i was chuckling to myself all the while. I posted it to YouTube for laughs .
Here is it's premiere . Enjoy the show...

Resolutions/ Uberlist for MamaSaysOM

2007-01-08T08:15:00.000-05:00

In my last post i asked what everyone's resolutions for the New Year were.
I got very little response- my guess is that we have given up on the whole thought of New Year resolutions due to our inability to meet our own expectations. I suppose that if we truly are ready and willing to do something useful , not to sound trite and quote a over-used sporting goods manufacturer, well , we just do it and stop agonizing over it and writing lists that never get fully crossed off.

That all said- I have decided to write a list. I was prompted by MAMASAYSOM ( see link to right) and thought about all of the things i have put off or resolved to do year after godforsaken year. I did manage to have a long-secretly-wished-for baby. And he is working on his own list of sorts. Today it is " grow teeth " His is decidedly easier to manage than mine.

Thus sprouts the list. Good Luck.
Hope Springs Eternal , as they say.

Here she is:

Sell my house.
Get our two houses meshed into one.
Organize.
Re-Organize.
De-Clutter.
Give away what is no longer needed nor wanted.
Throw out the useless, the ugly and the crap.
Put away ALL of the clean laundry ( instead of leaving it in baskets)
DO all of the laundry.
Have a tag/yard sale.
Make an Ebay site and sell, sell, sell !
Finish my office, powder room and kitchen.
Finish the baby's room.
Get him to sleep in it someday.
Plan my garden.
Take Nooni to the Vet.
Make an appointment with my OB/GYN .
Write all of my long distance friends old fashioned snail mail.
Call all of my long distance friends on ye olde telephone ( not a cell)
Plan Colin's first Birthday celebration.
Unpack all of my books and software, dvds and cds from storage.
Put books on shelves, load software into new computer, put dvds in rotation, download cds onto IPOD i have had for one year.
Download archives of photographs from three computers into IPHOTO.
Upload fave photos into sets in Flickr.
Take photographs everyday .
Organize and consoidate video footage.
Set up film/video studio.
Work on my novel.
Finish my novel.
Write.
Work on collage/assemblage ideas.
Create art.
Find a new yoga center.
Get private pilates instruction.
Get my bike reconditioned.
Go on Southbeach diet when finished nursing.
Get my hair cut.
Invest in a great braising pot and Dutch oven.
Make soup.
Make bread.
Bake a red velvet cake for Valentine's day.
Forget about dieting.
Get some new clothes one size bigger like it or not.
Take a walk everyday.
Go hiking.
Go birding.
Put up bird feeders.
Explore Washington DC .
Leave a smaller footprint ( in more ways than one! )
Work on convincing my husband that the baby needs a kitty , too.
Write to my Grandmother once a week.
Call my parents more often.
Put a calender up and mark people's Birthdays.
Make more of an effort to leave the house on rainy days.
Finish more books.
Actually read the magazines i subscribe to.
Take more time for myself.
Hire a babysitter more often.
Take more naps.
Remember to eat.
Remember eating.
Stay up past 9:00 pm.
Find time to meditate again.
Somehow.
Find more time for myself.
Burn this list.
......................................

A Brand New Day

2007-01-03T15:12:00.000-05:00

Here it is , a new year and a full moon on the horizon. We are just settling back in after another road trip - this time to visit friends in New York and see the fantastic James Hunter in the city at the BB King club. Introduced to JH's music this summer by two friends of mine and given tickets to see him play by two friends of W's - all now dear and mutual friends of both. We are doubly blessed.

We had a great time with our NY connection and Buggles got to meet my friend from the city, too , finally. It was a a fun trip all around. Lots of friends and lots of food , wine and MERRY making.Our friend's teenage daughter celebrated her 1 year anniversary of sobriety during our trip and it was really good to share in that joy with them. A brand new year brings good tidings.

All that said - It is really , REALLY good to be home. We are exhausted -too much holiday traveling - we are planning on staying put for awhile.

Bugs sprouted his two front teeth on the trip and started babbling in a whole new , sophisticated way . Woo-hoo and Wow and Ooooh are now in his repertoire and he sings refrains of these whenever something strikes his fancy - which is often.
He is still struggling with the crawl mechanism- just a lot of " i feel good , danna nanna nah " rocking back and forth on his knees. He did try to pull himself up to standing today and almost made it but slid down the swing pole he was using for leverage. He is a man on the move.

I am finding myself harboring a secret wish to keep him semi-mobile as long as i can - i need time to adjust our pace. I really like being able to leave him on the floor with some toys for a few minutes alone while i try to get anything done. Once he starts crawling it will be a whole different ball game. I am savoring my days....

My New Year's resolution this year is to get my life organized again. Moving , getting married , having a baby , taking care of a new family all have taken a toll on my recent trend towards a more stream-lined life. A Zen aesthetic, as it were.
What has happened in reality is more of an Anti-Zen movement of the first order.
I am making a concerted effort this year to change that. Or at least find out where my favorite nursing bra disappeared to. That would be good.

What has everybody else resolved to do this year ? Please share.
We all need a support group in times of need. The forum is open!

Holiday Hangover

2006-12-28T10:23:00.000-05:00

Well , an entire week has yet again past , Christmas is but a fading memory and the New Year approaches swift on it's heels. We are still reeling from all of the unpacking from our trip , holiday prep and much merriment - all in the span of what seemed like an extraordinarily short week.

This was Colin's First Christmas and he bit into it like a bright ,shiny red apple. It was pure joy on his face as he ripped through piles of tissue paper and beheld the myriad of lights, bells and shiny objects all around.
He cackled with glee and put everything into his tiny elf mouth.

We had a real old fashioned Christmas procession down the stairs in the morning , with all of the kids ( Nooni leading the way) and hung the stockings on an old ladder because , alas, we have no hearth. I made my traditional family recipe for French Meat Pie and an apple croustade for dessert which was met with a chorus of applause. I pureed some in the Cuisinart for Bug , too. His favorite was the homemade cranberry sauce.

We all went to my sister-in-laws the day after for the Schaeffer clan celebration and Colin contentedly played on the floor for five hours until he finally slumped over from happy exhaustion. We all went to bed with full hearts and bellies that night.

Colin received a lot of nice "1st Christmas" baby gifts but i am secretly elated that he loves my gift the best of all. I wanted to give him one simple gift so he would have something to open so we could record the moment for him. i ended up getting a chunky wooden Bug puzzle for him , thinking he was yet really too small to really appreciate it. Boy , was i ever wrong !
He immediately grabbed it and his ardor has yet to cool down- he lifts the entire puzzle , dumping all of the pieces to the floor, picks them up one by one , tries to fit them back in , bangs them together , puts them in his little birdy mouth and otherwise expresses his intense love for my gift in his exuberant high-pitched monkey screeching way.
Bullseye ! I got it right ! The Bug's first Christmas was an unqualified success.
But i got the very best gift of all, my own beautiful , darling baby boy- so long in coming- so completely and definitively a surprise- just what i always wanted and who knew? - just the thing i needed, too.

Thank you , Santa.
Thank you , Creator.

Thank you for filling my life with love.

Santa's Little Workshop of Horrors

2006-12-21T09:55:00.000-05:00

YIKE! Christmas is only 4 days away !
Why did we go away one week before Christmas - are we nuts ?
We are also traveling to NY for New Years Eve at a friends . I haven't even unpacked yet ! Or sent Christmas cards out ! Or started my shopping!
That's all right for those of you who know me you know i am into the whole "Winter Solstice" vibe anyway - a whole season of celebration. So you will get your cards/gifts....eventually. ; )

Actually , my panic is a bit unecessary because last night we transformed our house into a veritable Santa's workshop and baked our brains out. My step daughter Zoe came over at 1:00 in the afternoon and we made gingerbread until it came out of our ears, literally.

Colin sat in his highchair and played while we rolled out dough , baked and decorated like pros. At one point he reached over and put both fists into a bowl of white icing and he ended up covered in a snowy white crust of sugar. I was still picking it out of his hair this morning ( and that was after a bath ). Clean-up was hell.
It looked like someone blew up the Keebler treehouse.

Zoe and her Dad went out and got the tree , strung the lights and beaded garland and brought in all the boxes of ornaments. The entire house is filled with tubs and boxes and bags again and i wonder if we will ever be without some maelstrom of disarray taking over our home.

It was like this before i moved in after W's renovation , then again with my relocation, the pregnancy and labor ( we at one point filled the hallway with a collapsible labor pool) and then baby's arrival with all of the necessary accoutrement - swings and buzz chairs and pack-n-plays. And laundry . Oh , don't get me started on the laundry.

Baskets and baskets of laundry seem to sprout up overnight. I have 4 baskets of CLEAN laundry waiting to be put away. Sigh. It is a futile task to feel 'finished' with housekeeping of any kind. No wonder Fifties housewife's had an overly enthusiastic attachment to martinis and 'mother's little helpers'. And we're not talking elves here !

I need a drink , dammit !
Nursing has it's downside. Tee-totaling is it .
But , the gingerbread is made, the tree is lit and there is always Amazon.com , thank JESUS. I guess we are supposed to scurry around like little mice around the holidays. It helps to burn off all of the cookie fat.

Happy Holidays everyone !!!

Paradise Lost & Found

2006-12-20T07:50:00.000-05:00

Well , we have returned from St. Maarten , a little worse for the wear but we survived our first international travel with an infant. The weather was perfect , the trip to went surprisingly smoothly and we both are EXHAUSTED. Make that all three of us .
Buggles , to his credit , was THE perfect little traveler. You know that look you get from people as you are boarding the plane with a baby in tow and umpteen bags and blankies and toys, etc. Sort of a low grumble of dread falls over the plane and people start griping about 'earplugs' ? Well, anyone with kids knows that parents harbor the greatest amount of dread when it comes to babies and plane travel. My blood pressure must have been off the charts as i squeezed my way to our seats.
Blessings of all blessings - no one sat in our row on the second flight ( 4 hours) but little man was the bomb ! He was chirpy and happy while he was awake, playing with his toys and flirting with the nice lady who sat behind us and then after about an hour fell into oblivion and nursed and slept the entire last leg of the journey. He acclimated beautifully - not a peep of dissent as we wheeled him through airports, packed him into rental cars , introduced him to island culture and made our temporary home in the resort. He took it all in stride , a big beautific buddha smile on his face as he flitted to and fro.
He wasn't so wild about being slathered with a thick coat of sunscreen every morning but he just submitted to it like a monk , nonetheless.

Unfortunately our resort has become home to every octagenarian from middle America and now caters to those who require 'entertainment' ( read bad reggae covers by bands whose last gig was your cousin's bargain basement wedding) We escaped as much as we could to various beaches but had to camp there occasionally by the pool for the little Bug who is still wary of the Ocean ( as he should be) but LOVES the water.
We bought him a little yellow ring to float in and had a great time with him splashing and 'swimming' around. We , of course sipped Pina Coladas ( yes, mine was VIRGIN, sheesh) while cheering him on. Ahhh, the life of the leisure class...

Ha! I wish. Vacation with an infant is NO vacation, that's for sure. We got up at 7:00 every morning and followed HIS schedule - ending up in bed by seven at night ! No nightlife for his bedraggled , burnt-out parents- no way. We were too tired to go out on the town anyway!

The trip back was a little hairy as we got stuck on the tarmac in St. M and almost missed our connecting flight home. We literally pulled off a small miracle as we dashed through the North Carolina Intl. airport , through customs and to the gate where they told us the plane was already pulled away from the connecting ramp. Some blessed woman, called and cajoled the pilot to come back and re-connect so we could board. Talk about skin -of -your teeth luck ! Just ONE minute later and we would have missed our connection and be spending another night in a hotel ( without our luggage). As , it was our luggage arrived a day later than we did but who cares? We got home.

All in all the trip was an EXPERIENCE. We are now planning a trip for the two of us alone later next year, to recover. We did manage to get some incredible photos which i will share as soon as i download them to Flickr.

The great thing about capturing a vacation in photographs is that you look back years from now and only remember the good things about it- the proverbial rose-colored glasses syndrome.
And that is how we will remember this trip - because it was the first time we flew with Colin , the first time we took him to the Caribbean and the first time we went on vacation for someone other than ourselves. We built memories for our the new shoot of our family bamboo grove and when it all come down to it - what else really matters ?

It's good to be home.........

2006-12-06T19:58:00.000-05:00

We are on Vacation !!!!

Mark December 20th on your Calendar to re-visit Hysteria Lane for a detailed account of our trip.

I hope we don't get thrown off the plane .....
; )

Project Runway

2006-12-06T08:24:00.000-05:00

Today is the day that i can no longer put off packing for our trip to St. Maarten. It has become such a hassle to travel now , especially with a baby , that i have been dreading it to such a degree that i put it off to the last minute. Part of the reason has been that Buggy has been VERY active lately , too. He is making great developmental leaps in the last week or so and has been more than a handful.

I am a first time Mom so when we found ourselves fitting into a nice little groove lately , i actually thought it might last awhile.
Ha ! What nap schedule ? What predictable pattern ? That was short-lived ...

For one thing he is completely all over the place in terms of naps during the day - even if i nudge him towards his 'usual' time and he is rubbing his eyes with those dreamy heavy-lidded eyes of his - there is absolutely NO guarantee that he will sleep. Sometimes he will fall asleep and when i put him down ( swing , crib , it doesn't matter ) he will pop right awake and start talking or crying until i pick him up again. I actually tried leaving him to cry ( something i don't really believe in at this stage ) and he just stayed awake , even after he stopped crying.

So , i have been just letting him sleep when he actually falls asleep and stays asleep. I guess he will eventually pick up a new pattern . I think he wants to drop one afternoon nap but just can't decide which one he wants to let go of.

One morning recently, he decided to get up at 5:30 and present us with real human speech ! He has been toying around with vowel sounds forever now but no "Mama" or "Dada" yet . Instead he came up with his first two real words - "Hidey Que". Yes, Hidey Que. Nonsense , you say ?
Not at all .

We figured out that since he watches Project Runway every week with us when my stepdaughter Zoe comes over that he must be trying to say "Heidi Klum", which i can only owe to her once-again-pregnant and looking lovely Uber-Nursings -
Bug's favorite thing in the world !
Thanks alot , Heidi.
No MAMA, just the name of some supermodel being bandied about our house. As if having one male in the house under her thrall wasn't enough...

So, the only Project Runway on tap this week is making it to the airport on time, which translates into a 3:00 am wake-up call for us. We drop off Lula at her boyfriend's house tonight ( she is staying with friends and their Shihtzu while we are away ) make one last trip to the pharmacy , me trying to fit all of my airplane baby needs into 3.4 oz baggies and then a few short hours of sleep and we are off.
Wish us luck , i am feeling we are going to need it !

Just Ducky

2006-12-04T08:59:00.000-05:00

I am happy to report that Bug is no worse for the wear today. His bruised plum cheek is fading quickly and he is his cheerful , curious little monkey self again. Phew.

Another near tragedy averted. And i have forgiven myself. Sort of. At least the worst pangs of mother guilt have died away. Sheesh. This job is hard !

We made other strides this weekend, as well. Colin succeeded in sleeping in the bassinet ( Da still has to build the crib ) for several hour intervals. Of course this included lots of waking , crying , nursing , patting and placing and replacing of wubba nubs. He came to bed with us in the end , but he did good for his first try. Mommy needs sleep , too.

So he is a serial sleeper, but that's ok -
he is entitled to a learning-to-self-soothe curve. And i love watching his little cherub moon face on the video monitor . Bug TV !

Colin also has made a big leap into the tub. He is no longer afraid of the bath . We got him one of those rotating circle seats by Safety First and he can sit in the tub unencumbered without me grabbing onto him while he slides around like a slippery eelikins.

He is surrounded by his plethora of colorful bath toys and happily splashes around like a little duck while i scrub his nubblies. His favorite things to do right now are watch the water flow through the sea sponge when i hold it above his head and get squirted by his rubber duckies. He cackles uncontrollably , sucking in air and making a oouuuuooot noise like a seal pup. Too much cuteness !

Today , we have a DTAP booster to look forward to ( not ) and packing for our upcoming trip to the Caribbean. A long delayed honeymoon has become our first International travel experience as a new family. We all have new passports , even Bug. His picture is so funny - his head is huge and lilts to one side - he looks a bit like a Most Wanted poster child , but very handsome, of course. I just hope he likes the airplane...

The Night of the One Armed Sock Monkey

2006-12-03T08:36:00.000-05:00

I really should have known something bad was going to happen . The end of the week was going WAY too smoothly - i actually finished all of the laundry this week ( a feat comparable to running a 10K for me ) and we got a sitter for a Friday night and Colin stopped teething long enough to afford us a full night's sleep for two days in a row.
Then i noticed it.
The dismembered arm of Lula's sock monkey lying on the cold tile floor in the kitchen.
It was a bad omen.
I casually picked it up , the stuffing bleeding out of it's unsewn socket ,making a mental note to add it to the pile of "things that need to be sewn, mended , fixed, etc. and then went on about my business. Where the rest of the sock monkey was , i didn't know.
As i went on with my 'peaceful weekend' i started to clean the kitchen , unload the dishwasher , and make coffee , i mused to myself how i was really getting the hang of this mothering thing - my baby was healthy and happy and virtually trouble-free , all due in no small part to my innate and extraordinary ability to be attentive, loving and on the ball at all times when it concerned my wee one.
Ha , so you are feeling just the bit smug , are you ?
Well , that was all about to change.
I was about to get slapped upside my head...

Colin woke up a tad too early Yesterday , and as he still sleeps with us in our bed, this can be a pain when you NEED your sleep and don't want to get up at 5:00 am on a weekend morning. So , i got up, changed his diaper and put him the papasan cradle swing ,where he has happily slept when not in our bed since he was born. Yeah , i know , but we tried THE CRIB and it didn't work for us.
Getting up and down a flight of stairs several times during the night to nurse a baby that wakes up crying and then staying up another hour to get him back to sleep , is not my idea of fun. I have come to the belief that whatever works best for you and the baby is the RIGHT thing to do.
Well , it all worked just fine for us until yesterday.

Colin fell out of the swing onto the ceramic tile floor in the sun room.
He was strapped in , like aways , but apparently is now too big and too strong to be left unattended in his swing. The ironic thing is i just weighed him and when the scale registered 22.5 lbs i said to myself "wow". Of course , NOW i remember that 22 lbs is the cut-off weight for the swing. Damn hindsight and addled post-partum brain syndrome.
The good news is that i had a heavyweight blanket covering Colin and this and his wubba-nub frog ( a pacifier with a stuffed froggie attached) went over the side with him and broke the fall. He also fell on his arm onto his side, so only his little apple cheek hit the bar and made a little bruise.
THANK GOD , he is ok. I had nightmare visions of a cracked skull and , i can't even bear to think any further than that.
I know babies fall and accidents happen but this truly made me heartsick. We couldn't figure out how the buckle came apart - we tried it over and over and it didn't give- so it makes no sense. I KNOW i snapped both sides but there is a nagging doubt that maybe i did something wrong - i didn't secure him properly and this makes me feel inadequate to the nth degree .

It isn't the first time something like this happened.
I left him on the changing table once ( for literally a second while i reached for a stack of diapers in a cabinet below) when he was only 4 months old and he wiggled and flipped himself over the table edge like a Chinese acrobat, landing on his cheek on the hardwood floor and vent cover.
Miraculously, he survived that virtually unscathed too - my Pediatrician answering my panicked phone call while i sobbed and rushed him to the emergency room - only to be told to turn around and bring him home that he was fine and that babies are tougher than they seem.
It seems on two separate occasions i have missed his huge developmental leaps into the next stage of physical prowess and caused him to be in pain. And it really feels bad.There is a type of guilt that no one talks about surrounding these inevitable accidents with your own flesh and blood , the kind that makes you feel ashamed and at a loss to explain why it happened. I just sat with Colin for hours afterward , holding him and nursing him until he fell asleep . My husband , who bounded out of bed like a pole vaulter when we heard the baby cry out , was as relieved as i was but remained speechless for several hours . I think both of us , all of us, were in a state of shock.

I am transitioning Colin to the crib this week. No more swing. He will stay in the bed with us a bit longer until nursing slows down but he can handle some naps in the crib.
The question is , can I ?

2006-12-01T13:43:00.000-05:00

Today's Food For Thought...

Dazed and Confused

http://www.salon.com/opinion/feature/2006/11/29/maliki/index.html

2006-11-30T17:25:00.000-05:00

For MAMA SAYS OM:
TIME

To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time for every purpose under heaven

A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep

(Words adapted from the Book of Ecclesiastes by Pete Seeger; music by Pete Seeger)

Time is like anything else intangible , one takes it on faith.
We have faith that we have time to fulfill our dreams, our destinies. We schedule and we plan , we make lists and we rush around from one task to another , trying to fit it all in .
Like the keeper's of time we think we are , we assign duties to the calendar - "the baby is due April 7th" but the baby arrives on March 29 - the same time as the solar eclipse. Someone in the Universe has other plans for us. Time marches to a different drummer, too.
We count the minutes and watch the hours pass on the clock like rain, never having enough time in one day to do all of the things that we said that we would. Time waits for no one.
Especially a mother. Before we know it our babies will be grown and they will leave us. Another eclipse of the sun will take place and it will grow dark. Our minutes, hours and days will be counted and we will fall short. We must take the time now to enjoy the sands left in the hourglass. We are blessed , in this moment.

2006-11-30T12:16:00.000-05:00

More excitement for today...

I ripped out the shoulder pads from a silk shirt i have had since the eighties ( i am NOT throwing it out - the print is STILL beautiful and it FITS!!!) and gave them to Bug to play with because they smell like me and are covered in silk and are soft to teethe on. Nooni promptly grabbed one of them and proceeded to bash it into the ground like she does with all of her favorite toys , especially her stuffed kitty. She likes to share toys with the baby.
What , you say ? New characters ? No , here is where i confess my OCD- like habit of naming all of my loved ones ( especially pets ) several dozen equally affectionate and ridiculous nicknames. Where they come from - i don't know. Some make a strange kind of sense , others , well , not so much.
ok - here is the list. You asked for it.

Cholula ( the dog)
Nooni
Noona
Mooni
Moonis
Amunis
Amanoonis
Noomis
Missy Noomis
Missy Nooni
Nicey Noomi
Micey Mooni
Lula
Luli
Luli Q

Colin ( the baby )
Bug
Buggy
Buggles
Mr. Buggles
Collie
Collikins
Collie Collie Cupcake
Squidims
Monkey
Darling Ducky
Ducky
Dee Dee
Double D
Pudgles
Chubbles
Dibbles

This is a partial list and does not even include the various names my husband and partner in crime W. has for both of them. Staschi Pitaschi for the dog , for example.Yes, we are a house full of lunatics .
Just follow the moon , i say.

2006-11-30T10:39:00.000-05:00

Colin and Cholula had their first real interactive play session yesterday. They have been close since the day we brought them home together ( Colin from the hospital and Cholula from the Vet's where she had gone in for her spay surgery -on the very day that my water broke ! ) Cholula just accepted that we were adding another pup to the pack and has been very patient with the baby when he squeezes and grabs at her a little too enthusiastically. In fact , Mr. Grabby Hands has taken to pulling her tail and pinching her soft pink underparts lately and Lula just growls under her breath and licks him until he lets go. I notice she has been keeping her distance when she lies down next to him lately, though. Smart girl.
Yesterday, Colin was on his back holding a string of small tibetan bells and one of his plastic baby spoons making 'music' and laughing delightedly . Lula came loping over with his purple plush bear in her mouth. She dropped it on his chest and he instantly dropped the bells and spoon and grabbed the bear, giggling. He then dropped it next to her and she grabbed it in her jaws and they passed it back & forth this way for a good fifteen minutes. They were playing !
I never have the video camera juiced when i need it . It was so damn cute , i almost lost it . Of course the image will stay burned in my memory with or with out the photographic evidence but it would have been nice to share with my step-children , Duke & Zoe. Next time...

2006-11-28T10:15:00.000-05:00

A new wind ushers in Monday for our clan - baby Colin is sleeping soundly as i write this - something he has not done much over the weekend. Directly after Turkey day he resumed the evil teething syndrome he began earlier this month. He has two little gerbil teeth poking through his lower gum and they are not taking any prisoners.

Poor Lambikins - he is normally so goodnatured i almost feel guilty -but he did nothing but fuss and fit yesterday ( karmic retribution ??) leaving me in a sleepless state of exhaustion. I tried everything in my bag of tricks to soothe him , homeopathic teething tablets , teething gel, cold washcloth, fingers, baby tylenol, massage , a warm bath, rocking , cuddling , NURSING,etc. Nothing seemed to work for very long. I even made him a bottle with cold water to chew on ( having long run out of milk ) yet he fussed and fussed until we were both crying.

So i decided a change of scenery might help. Although it was cold out yesterday - it was sunny so i bundled him up , put a sweater on Cholula ( our chihuahua ) and ventured out to the backyard . Our yard is still in a state of flux as we just had it graded and mulched for the winter until planting season in the spring arrives.

We sat down in the piles of mulch and i let Colin get filthy , picking up piles of soily mulch and dropping them into his wee lap. Miraculously he did not try and put fistfuls of mulch into his mouth - his gums probably needed a break, lucky me !
Then we tossed the tennis ball to Lula and watched her run around and fetch like a prisoner out on furlow . She has to unhinge her jaw like a snake to fit the tennis ball in her mouth and she had both of us laughing hysterically . Colin has such a good sense of humor already. He really knows when something is funny . He is easily amused but is equally discerning - he watches awhile to see if it will tickle his funnybone just right. It was nice to see him smile after so many hours of crying and boo-boo duck face. He really is a beautiful boy and when he smiles your heart smiles along with him.

I only finally brought him in because his little mitts were ice-cold and his cheeks were taking on the hue of winter apples. He was so happy it made me sad to interrupt such contentment. Ahh, but that's what mother's are for , right ? Doing the right thing but often the thing that ends the momentary bliss of true freedom. All in a day of learning what it's like to be a human being, i guess. A little joy with a little pain thrown in for good measure. The perfect zen experience.Yeah , that's it.
Perfect zen.

2006-11-24T16:35:00.000-05:00

Well, Thanksgiving has come and gone and we have survived yet another family holiday - this one with a brand-new baby ( well , ok -not brand new - slightly used ).
The lovely thing about Thanksgiving is that it reminds one what to be thankful for . I have a lot to be thankful for this year , becoming a mother , becoming a wife and most of all for proving to myself that i am worthy of a deep and abiding happiness.
Colin is just turning eight months old , my mother just turned 67 years old ( on Thanksgiving, ironically) and my marriage is a little older than a year.
Somehow , we have all made it to this point . God help us.
And now about the turkey...

I decided to make our first Thanksgiving dinner this year at home( for six ) even though it would have been much easier to go to my sister-in-law's house like last year. But the turkey was calling and i felt i needed to do it all- not out of obligation but out of a sense of adventure - haha! Actually , believe it or not , i truly enjoy cooking and the holidays are a great excuse to go crazy and cook up a feast fit for King Henry the Eighth. What i wasn't thinking about is that I HAVE AN INFANT !!!
Duhh. How on Earth was i going to shop, prep, cook and cater all of this
ALONE ???
I guess i assumed my husband would take the day before the holiday off as he usually does but you know the old chestnut about those who ASSUME. ; )
I ended up in a panic-state in the middle of Whole Foods , " there is no bloody way in hell i can pull this off, what was i thinking??"
My husband, W. somehow managed to talk me down after i stormed off to find the Free-Range turkey desk ( i kid you not , they had one of these ) to order a last minute bird - Bird Under the Wire , so to speak.
It was decided that our niece would babysit while i went about the business of re-enacting Martha Stewart's last stand. Yeah , that will work, it's all clear to me now...
Needless to say , i did manage to pull it off - the turkey and all the trimmings ala Fine Cooking magazine and W. and the kids loved it , right down to the last drop of homemade mushroom gravy. They all loved it so much in fact that the entire family fell head - long into a post-turkey coma and slept for two hours when we were supposed to be on our way out the door to my sister-in-laws for dessert. And Colin slept like a little lamb after tasting the first ground turkey of his little life thus far. He gave new meaning to 'Gobble Gobble ' !
So , we missed dessert and snored our way into oblivion instead.
Ahhh, the pull of the Tryptophan fairy is not to be trifled with.
Nightie nite.
zzzzzzzz.

2006-11-16T17:35:00.000-05:00

In Solidarity with the brave women of Vermont

Yes , That is me breastfeeding my baby boy.
Some of you may have seen all of the hullabaloo on the boob tube ( pun definitely intended here) earlier today about Mothers for BREAST FEEDING in public. One of the women in question was holding a sign that said " Stop being a pervert- Nursing is natural and necessary" while nursing her child at the same time. ( We all knew mothers are great multi-taskers! ) So , i , too am nursing while i write this editorial. How ironic. ; )

Apparently some troglodytes out there are still offended at the sight of a woman giving sustenance to her child. Considering that you can usually see more skin on on a thirteen year old just walking down the street these days ( think ass-crack , cleavage, whatever) I find the whole idea of the infintesimal possibility of seeing a small slice of a nursing mother's nipple deemed offensive to be , well , offensive. And ludicrious. Our whole American society is based on freedom and family values , supposedly. Unfortunately a small, but growing number of small-minded people would like to spell out what they think constitutes freedom and family.

Considering that most of today's media is driven by sex and the prurient ( yet repressed all the same) i find this concept of banning nursing in public to be heinous and unconstitutional. Hey , if it offends you - don't STARE> it's a breast , not a weapon of mass destruction. Look the other way , hum the star-spangled banner and go about your own damn business. We are trying to feed a kid here . And that means less crying and impingement on your ( and our) right to a peaceful day.
That's why i posted what heretofore was a private photo .To show that if something as beautiful as sustaining a new life is somehow icky or distasteful or even uncomfortably sexy to you , then it is YOUR problem . So , deal with it. We nurse.