Holiday Hangover

Well , an entire week has yet again past , Christmas is but a fading memory and the New Year approaches swift on it's heels. We are still reeling from all of the unpacking from our trip , holiday prep and much merriment - all in the span of what seemed like an extraordinarily short week.

This was Colin's First Christmas and he bit into it like a bright ,shiny red apple. It was pure joy on his face as he ripped through piles of tissue paper and beheld the myriad of lights, bells and shiny objects all around.
He cackled with glee and put everything into his tiny elf mouth.

We had a real old fashioned Christmas procession down the stairs in the morning , with all of the kids ( Nooni leading the way) and hung the stockings on an old ladder because , alas, we have no hearth. I made my traditional family recipe for French Meat Pie and an apple croustade for dessert which was met with a chorus of applause. I pureed some in the Cuisinart for Bug , too. His favorite was the homemade cranberry sauce.

We all went to my sister-in-laws the day after for the Schaeffer clan celebration and Colin contentedly played on the floor for five hours until he finally slumped over from happy exhaustion. We all went to bed with full hearts and bellies that night.

Colin received a lot of nice "1st Christmas" baby gifts but i am secretly elated that he loves my gift the best of all. I wanted to give him one simple gift so he would have something to open so we could record the moment for him. i ended up getting a chunky wooden Bug puzzle for him , thinking he was yet really too small to really appreciate it. Boy , was i ever wrong !
He immediately grabbed it and his ardor has yet to cool down- he lifts the entire puzzle , dumping all of the pieces to the floor, picks them up one by one , tries to fit them back in , bangs them together , puts them in his little birdy mouth and otherwise expresses his intense love for my gift in his exuberant high-pitched monkey screeching way.
Bullseye ! I got it right ! The Bug's first Christmas was an unqualified success.
But i got the very best gift of all, my own beautiful , darling baby boy- so long in coming- so completely and definitively a surprise- just what i always wanted and who knew? - just the thing i needed, too.

Thank you , Santa.
Thank you , Creator.

Thank you for filling my life with love.

Santa's Little Workshop of Horrors

YIKE! Christmas is only 4 days away !
Why did we go away one week before Christmas - are we nuts ?
We are also traveling to NY for New Years Eve at a friends . I haven't even unpacked yet ! Or sent Christmas cards out ! Or started my shopping!
That's all right for those of you who know me you know i am into the whole "Winter Solstice" vibe anyway - a whole season of celebration. So you will get your cards/gifts....eventually. ; )

Actually , my panic is a bit unecessary because last night we transformed our house into a veritable Santa's workshop and baked our brains out. My step daughter Zoe came over at 1:00 in the afternoon and we made gingerbread until it came out of our ears, literally.

Colin sat in his highchair and played while we rolled out dough , baked and decorated like pros. At one point he reached over and put both fists into a bowl of white icing and he ended up covered in a snowy white crust of sugar. I was still picking it out of his hair this morning ( and that was after a bath ). Clean-up was hell.
It looked like someone blew up the Keebler treehouse.

Zoe and her Dad went out and got the tree , strung the lights and beaded garland and brought in all the boxes of ornaments. The entire house is filled with tubs and boxes and bags again and i wonder if we will ever be without some maelstrom of disarray taking over our home.

It was like this before i moved in after W's renovation , then again with my relocation, the pregnancy and labor ( we at one point filled the hallway with a collapsible labor pool) and then baby's arrival with all of the necessary accoutrement - swings and buzz chairs and pack-n-plays. And laundry . Oh , don't get me started on the laundry.

Baskets and baskets of laundry seem to sprout up overnight. I have 4 baskets of CLEAN laundry waiting to be put away. Sigh. It is a futile task to feel 'finished' with housekeeping of any kind. No wonder Fifties housewife's had an overly enthusiastic attachment to martinis and 'mother's little helpers'. And we're not talking elves here !

I need a drink , dammit !
Nursing has it's downside. Tee-totaling is it .
But , the gingerbread is made, the tree is lit and there is always Amazon.com , thank JESUS. I guess we are supposed to scurry around like little mice around the holidays. It helps to burn off all of the cookie fat.

Happy Holidays everyone !!!

Paradise Lost & Found

Well , we have returned from St. Maarten , a little worse for the wear but we survived our first international travel with an infant. The weather was perfect , the trip to went surprisingly smoothly and we both are EXHAUSTED. Make that all three of us .
Buggles , to his credit , was THE perfect little traveler. You know that look you get from people as you are boarding the plane with a baby in tow and umpteen bags and blankies and toys, etc. Sort of a low grumble of dread falls over the plane and people start griping about 'earplugs' ? Well, anyone with kids knows that parents harbor the greatest amount of dread when it comes to babies and plane travel. My blood pressure must have been off the charts as i squeezed my way to our seats.
Blessings of all blessings - no one sat in our row on the second flight ( 4 hours) but little man was the bomb ! He was chirpy and happy while he was awake, playing with his toys and flirting with the nice lady who sat behind us and then after about an hour fell into oblivion and nursed and slept the entire last leg of the journey. He acclimated beautifully - not a peep of dissent as we wheeled him through airports, packed him into rental cars , introduced him to island culture and made our temporary home in the resort. He took it all in stride , a big beautific buddha smile on his face as he flitted to and fro.
He wasn't so wild about being slathered with a thick coat of sunscreen every morning but he just submitted to it like a monk , nonetheless.

Unfortunately our resort has become home to every octagenarian from middle America and now caters to those who require 'entertainment' ( read bad reggae covers by bands whose last gig was your cousin's bargain basement wedding) We escaped as much as we could to various beaches but had to camp there occasionally by the pool for the little Bug who is still wary of the Ocean ( as he should be) but LOVES the water.
We bought him a little yellow ring to float in and had a great time with him splashing and 'swimming' around. We , of course sipped Pina Coladas ( yes, mine was VIRGIN, sheesh) while cheering him on. Ahhh, the life of the leisure class...

Ha! I wish. Vacation with an infant is NO vacation, that's for sure. We got up at 7:00 every morning and followed HIS schedule - ending up in bed by seven at night ! No nightlife for his bedraggled , burnt-out parents- no way. We were too tired to go out on the town anyway!

The trip back was a little hairy as we got stuck on the tarmac in St. M and almost missed our connecting flight home. We literally pulled off a small miracle as we dashed through the North Carolina Intl. airport , through customs and to the gate where they told us the plane was already pulled away from the connecting ramp. Some blessed woman, called and cajoled the pilot to come back and re-connect so we could board. Talk about skin -of -your teeth luck ! Just ONE minute later and we would have missed our connection and be spending another night in a hotel ( without our luggage). As , it was our luggage arrived a day later than we did but who cares? We got home.

All in all the trip was an EXPERIENCE. We are now planning a trip for the two of us alone later next year, to recover. We did manage to get some incredible photos which i will share as soon as i download them to Flickr.

The great thing about capturing a vacation in photographs is that you look back years from now and only remember the good things about it- the proverbial rose-colored glasses syndrome.
And that is how we will remember this trip - because it was the first time we flew with Colin , the first time we took him to the Caribbean and the first time we went on vacation for someone other than ourselves. We built memories for our the new shoot of our family bamboo grove and when it all come down to it - what else really matters ?

It's good to be home.........

We are on Vacation !!!!


Mark December 20th on your Calendar to re-visit Hysteria Lane for a detailed account of our trip.

I hope we don't get thrown off the plane .....
; )

Project Runway

Today is the day that i can no longer put off packing for our trip to St. Maarten. It has become such a hassle to travel now , especially with a baby , that i have been dreading it to such a degree that i put it off to the last minute. Part of the reason has been that Buggy has been VERY active lately , too. He is making great developmental leaps in the last week or so and has been more than a handful.

I am a first time Mom so when we found ourselves fitting into a nice little groove lately , i actually thought it might last awhile.
Ha ! What nap schedule ? What predictable pattern ? That was short-lived ...

For one thing he is completely all over the place in terms of naps during the day - even if i nudge him towards his 'usual' time and he is rubbing his eyes with those dreamy heavy-lidded eyes of his - there is absolutely NO guarantee that he will sleep. Sometimes he will fall asleep and when i put him down ( swing , crib , it doesn't matter ) he will pop right awake and start talking or crying until i pick him up again. I actually tried leaving him to cry ( something i don't really believe in at this stage ) and he just stayed awake , even after he stopped crying.

So , i have been just letting him sleep when he actually falls asleep and stays asleep. I guess he will eventually pick up a new pattern . I think he wants to drop one afternoon nap but just can't decide which one he wants to let go of.

One morning recently, he decided to get up at 5:30 and present us with real human speech ! He has been toying around with vowel sounds forever now but no "Mama" or "Dada" yet . Instead he came up with his first two real words - "Hidey Que". Yes, Hidey Que. Nonsense , you say ?
Not at all .

We figured out that since he watches Project Runway every week with us when my stepdaughter Zoe comes over that he must be trying to say "Heidi Klum", which i can only owe to her once-again-pregnant and looking lovely Uber-Nursings -
Bug's favorite thing in the world !
Thanks alot , Heidi.
No MAMA, just the name of some supermodel being bandied about our house. As if having one male in the house under her thrall wasn't enough...

So, the only Project Runway on tap this week is making it to the airport on time, which translates into a 3:00 am wake-up call for us. We drop off Lula at her boyfriend's house tonight ( she is staying with friends and their Shihtzu while we are away ) make one last trip to the pharmacy , me trying to fit all of my airplane baby needs into 3.4 oz baggies and then a few short hours of sleep and we are off.
Wish us luck , i am feeling we are going to need it !

Just Ducky

I am happy to report that Bug is no worse for the wear today. His bruised plum cheek is fading quickly and he is his cheerful , curious little monkey self again. Phew.

Another near tragedy averted. And i have forgiven myself. Sort of. At least the worst pangs of mother guilt have died away. Sheesh. This job is hard !

We made other strides this weekend, as well. Colin succeeded in sleeping in the bassinet ( Da still has to build the crib ) for several hour intervals. Of course this included lots of waking , crying , nursing , patting and placing and replacing of wubba nubs. He came to bed with us in the end , but he did good for his first try. Mommy needs sleep , too.

So he is a serial sleeper, but that's ok -
he is entitled to a learning-to-self-soothe curve. And i love watching his little cherub moon face on the video monitor . Bug TV !

Colin also has made a big leap into the tub. He is no longer afraid of the bath . We got him one of those rotating circle seats by Safety First and he can sit in the tub unencumbered without me grabbing onto him while he slides around like a slippery eelikins.

He is surrounded by his plethora of colorful bath toys and happily splashes around like a little duck while i scrub his nubblies. His favorite things to do right now are watch the water flow through the sea sponge when i hold it above his head and get squirted by his rubber duckies. He cackles uncontrollably , sucking in air and making a oouuuuooot noise like a seal pup. Too much cuteness !

Today , we have a DTAP booster to look forward to ( not ) and packing for our upcoming trip to the Caribbean. A long delayed honeymoon has become our first International travel experience as a new family. We all have new passports , even Bug. His picture is so funny - his head is huge and lilts to one side - he looks a bit like a Most Wanted poster child , but very handsome, of course. I just hope he likes the airplane...

The Night of the One Armed Sock Monkey

I really should have known something bad was going to happen . The end of the week was going WAY too smoothly - i actually finished all of the laundry this week ( a feat comparable to running a 10K for me ) and we got a sitter for a Friday night and Colin stopped teething long enough to afford us a full night's sleep for two days in a row.
Then i noticed it.
The dismembered arm of Lula's sock monkey lying on the cold tile floor in the kitchen.
It was a bad omen.
I casually picked it up , the stuffing bleeding out of it's unsewn socket ,making a mental note to add it to the pile of "things that need to be sewn, mended , fixed, etc. and then went on about my business. Where the rest of the sock monkey was , i didn't know.
As i went on with my 'peaceful weekend' i started to clean the kitchen , unload the dishwasher , and make coffee , i mused to myself how i was really getting the hang of this mothering thing - my baby was healthy and happy and virtually trouble-free , all due in no small part to my innate and extraordinary ability to be attentive, loving and on the ball at all times when it concerned my wee one.
Ha , so you are feeling just the bit smug , are you ?
Well , that was all about to change.
I was about to get slapped upside my head...

Colin woke up a tad too early Yesterday , and as he still sleeps with us in our bed, this can be a pain when you NEED your sleep and don't want to get up at 5:00 am on a weekend morning. So , i got up, changed his diaper and put him the papasan cradle swing ,where he has happily slept when not in our bed since he was born. Yeah , i know , but we tried THE CRIB and it didn't work for us.
Getting up and down a flight of stairs several times during the night to nurse a baby that wakes up crying and then staying up another hour to get him back to sleep , is not my idea of fun. I have come to the belief that whatever works best for you and the baby is the RIGHT thing to do.
Well , it all worked just fine for us until yesterday.

Colin fell out of the swing onto the ceramic tile floor in the sun room.
He was strapped in , like aways , but apparently is now too big and too strong to be left unattended in his swing. The ironic thing is i just weighed him and when the scale registered 22.5 lbs i said to myself "wow". Of course , NOW i remember that 22 lbs is the cut-off weight for the swing. Damn hindsight and addled post-partum brain syndrome.
The good news is that i had a heavyweight blanket covering Colin and this and his wubba-nub frog ( a pacifier with a stuffed froggie attached) went over the side with him and broke the fall. He also fell on his arm onto his side, so only his little apple cheek hit the bar and made a little bruise.
THANK GOD , he is ok. I had nightmare visions of a cracked skull and , i can't even bear to think any further than that.
I know babies fall and accidents happen but this truly made me heartsick. We couldn't figure out how the buckle came apart - we tried it over and over and it didn't give- so it makes no sense. I KNOW i snapped both sides but there is a nagging doubt that maybe i did something wrong - i didn't secure him properly and this makes me feel inadequate to the nth degree .

It isn't the first time something like this happened.
I left him on the changing table once ( for literally a second while i reached for a stack of diapers in a cabinet below) when he was only 4 months old and he wiggled and flipped himself over the table edge like a Chinese acrobat, landing on his cheek on the hardwood floor and vent cover.
Miraculously, he survived that virtually unscathed too - my Pediatrician answering my panicked phone call while i sobbed and rushed him to the emergency room - only to be told to turn around and bring him home that he was fine and that babies are tougher than they seem.
It seems on two separate occasions i have missed his huge developmental leaps into the next stage of physical prowess and caused him to be in pain. And it really feels bad.There is a type of guilt that no one talks about surrounding these inevitable accidents with your own flesh and blood , the kind that makes you feel ashamed and at a loss to explain why it happened. I just sat with Colin for hours afterward , holding him and nursing him until he fell asleep . My husband , who bounded out of bed like a pole vaulter when we heard the baby cry out , was as relieved as i was but remained speechless for several hours . I think both of us , all of us, were in a state of shock.

I am transitioning Colin to the crib this week. No more swing. He will stay in the bed with us a bit longer until nursing slows down but he can handle some naps in the crib.
The question is , can I ?

Today's Food For Thought...

Dazed and Confused

http://www.salon.com/opinion/feature/2006/11/29/maliki/index.html

For MAMA SAYS OM:
TIME

To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time for every purpose under heaven

A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep

(Words adapted from the Book of Ecclesiastes by Pete Seeger; music by Pete Seeger)



Time is like anything else intangible , one takes it on faith.
We have faith that we have time to fulfill our dreams, our destinies. We schedule and we plan , we make lists and we rush around from one task to another , trying to fit it all in .
Like the keeper's of time we think we are , we assign duties to the calendar - "the baby is due April 7th" but the baby arrives on March 29 - the same time as the solar eclipse. Someone in the Universe has other plans for us. Time marches to a different drummer, too.
We count the minutes and watch the hours pass on the clock like rain, never having enough time in one day to do all of the things that we said that we would. Time waits for no one.
Especially a mother. Before we know it our babies will be grown and they will leave us. Another eclipse of the sun will take place and it will grow dark. Our minutes, hours and days will be counted and we will fall short. We must take the time now to enjoy the sands left in the hourglass. We are blessed , in this moment.

More excitement for today...

I ripped out the shoulder pads from a silk shirt i have had since the eighties ( i am NOT throwing it out - the print is STILL beautiful and it FITS!!!) and gave them to Bug to play with because they smell like me and are covered in silk and are soft to teethe on. Nooni promptly grabbed one of them and proceeded to bash it into the ground like she does with all of her favorite toys , especially her stuffed kitty. She likes to share toys with the baby.
What , you say ? New characters ? No , here is where i confess my OCD- like habit of naming all of my loved ones ( especially pets ) several dozen equally affectionate and ridiculous nicknames. Where they come from - i don't know. Some make a strange kind of sense , others , well , not so much.
ok - here is the list. You asked for it.

Cholula ( the dog)
Nooni
Noona
Mooni
Moonis
Amunis
Amanoonis
Noomis
Missy Noomis
Missy Nooni
Nicey Noomi
Micey Mooni
Lula
Luli
Luli Q

Colin ( the baby )
Bug
Buggy
Buggles
Mr. Buggles
Collie
Collikins
Collie Collie Cupcake
Squidims
Monkey
Darling Ducky
Ducky
Dee Dee
Double D
Pudgles
Chubbles
Dibbles

This is a partial list and does not even include the various names my husband and partner in crime W. has for both of them. Staschi Pitaschi for the dog , for example.Yes, we are a house full of lunatics .
Just follow the moon , i say.

Colin and Cholula had their first real interactive play session yesterday. They have been close since the day we brought them home together ( Colin from the hospital and Cholula from the Vet's where she had gone in for her spay surgery -on the very day that my water broke ! ) Cholula just accepted that we were adding another pup to the pack and has been very patient with the baby when he squeezes and grabs at her a little too enthusiastically. In fact , Mr. Grabby Hands has taken to pulling her tail and pinching her soft pink underparts lately and Lula just growls under her breath and licks him until he lets go. I notice she has been keeping her distance when she lies down next to him lately, though. Smart girl.
Yesterday, Colin was on his back holding a string of small tibetan bells and one of his plastic baby spoons making 'music' and laughing delightedly . Lula came loping over with his purple plush bear in her mouth. She dropped it on his chest and he instantly dropped the bells and spoon and grabbed the bear, giggling. He then dropped it next to her and she grabbed it in her jaws and they passed it back & forth this way for a good fifteen minutes. They were playing !
I never have the video camera juiced when i need it . It was so damn cute , i almost lost it . Of course the image will stay burned in my memory with or with out the photographic evidence but it would have been nice to share with my step-children , Duke & Zoe. Next time...

A new wind ushers in Monday for our clan - baby Colin is sleeping soundly as i write this - something he has not done much over the weekend. Directly after Turkey day he resumed the evil teething syndrome he began earlier this month. He has two little gerbil teeth poking through his lower gum and they are not taking any prisoners.

Poor Lambikins - he is normally so goodnatured i almost feel guilty -but he did nothing but fuss and fit yesterday ( karmic retribution ??) leaving me in a sleepless state of exhaustion. I tried everything in my bag of tricks to soothe him , homeopathic teething tablets , teething gel, cold washcloth, fingers, baby tylenol, massage , a warm bath, rocking , cuddling , NURSING,etc. Nothing seemed to work for very long. I even made him a bottle with cold water to chew on ( having long run out of milk ) yet he fussed and fussed until we were both crying.

So i decided a change of scenery might help. Although it was cold out yesterday - it was sunny so i bundled him up , put a sweater on Cholula ( our chihuahua ) and ventured out to the backyard . Our yard is still in a state of flux as we just had it graded and mulched for the winter until planting season in the spring arrives.

We sat down in the piles of mulch and i let Colin get filthy , picking up piles of soily mulch and dropping them into his wee lap. Miraculously he did not try and put fistfuls of mulch into his mouth - his gums probably needed a break, lucky me !
Then we tossed the tennis ball to Lula and watched her run around and fetch like a prisoner out on furlow . She has to unhinge her jaw like a snake to fit the tennis ball in her mouth and she had both of us laughing hysterically . Colin has such a good sense of humor already. He really knows when something is funny . He is easily amused but is equally discerning - he watches awhile to see if it will tickle his funnybone just right. It was nice to see him smile after so many hours of crying and boo-boo duck face. He really is a beautiful boy and when he smiles your heart smiles along with him.

I only finally brought him in because his little mitts were ice-cold and his cheeks were taking on the hue of winter apples. He was so happy it made me sad to interrupt such contentment. Ahh, but that's what mother's are for , right ? Doing the right thing but often the thing that ends the momentary bliss of true freedom. All in a day of learning what it's like to be a human being, i guess. A little joy with a little pain thrown in for good measure. The perfect zen experience.Yeah , that's it.
Perfect zen.

Well, Thanksgiving has come and gone and we have survived yet another family holiday - this one with a brand-new baby ( well , ok -not brand new - slightly used ).
The lovely thing about Thanksgiving is that it reminds one what to be thankful for . I have a lot to be thankful for this year , becoming a mother , becoming a wife and most of all for proving to myself that i am worthy of a deep and abiding happiness.
Colin is just turning eight months old , my mother just turned 67 years old ( on Thanksgiving, ironically) and my marriage is a little older than a year.
Somehow , we have all made it to this point . God help us.
And now about the turkey...

I decided to make our first Thanksgiving dinner this year at home( for six ) even though it would have been much easier to go to my sister-in-law's house like last year. But the turkey was calling and i felt i needed to do it all- not out of obligation but out of a sense of adventure - haha! Actually , believe it or not , i truly enjoy cooking and the holidays are a great excuse to go crazy and cook up a feast fit for King Henry the Eighth. What i wasn't thinking about is that I HAVE AN INFANT !!!
Duhh. How on Earth was i going to shop, prep, cook and cater all of this
ALONE ???
I guess i assumed my husband would take the day before the holiday off as he usually does but you know the old chestnut about those who ASSUME. ; )
I ended up in a panic-state in the middle of Whole Foods , " there is no bloody way in hell i can pull this off, what was i thinking??"
My husband, W. somehow managed to talk me down after i stormed off to find the Free-Range turkey desk ( i kid you not , they had one of these ) to order a last minute bird - Bird Under the Wire , so to speak.
It was decided that our niece would babysit while i went about the business of re-enacting Martha Stewart's last stand. Yeah , that will work, it's all clear to me now...
Needless to say , i did manage to pull it off - the turkey and all the trimmings ala Fine Cooking magazine and W. and the kids loved it , right down to the last drop of homemade mushroom gravy. They all loved it so much in fact that the entire family fell head - long into a post-turkey coma and slept for two hours when we were supposed to be on our way out the door to my sister-in-laws for dessert. And Colin slept like a little lamb after tasting the first ground turkey of his little life thus far. He gave new meaning to 'Gobble Gobble ' !
So , we missed dessert and snored our way into oblivion instead.
Ahhh, the pull of the Tryptophan fairy is not to be trifled with.
Nightie nite.
zzzzzzzz.

In Solidarity with the brave women of Vermont

Yes , That is me breastfeeding my baby boy.
Some of you may have seen all of the hullabaloo on the boob tube ( pun definitely intended here) earlier today about Mothers for BREAST FEEDING in public. One of the women in question was holding a sign that said " Stop being a pervert- Nursing is natural and necessary" while nursing her child at the same time. ( We all knew mothers are great multi-taskers! ) So , i , too am nursing while i write this editorial. How ironic. ; )

Apparently some troglodytes out there are still offended at the sight of a woman giving sustenance to her child. Considering that you can usually see more skin on on a thirteen year old just walking down the street these days ( think ass-crack , cleavage, whatever) I find the whole idea of the infintesimal possibility of seeing a small slice of a nursing mother's nipple deemed offensive to be , well , offensive. And ludicrious. Our whole American society is based on freedom and family values , supposedly. Unfortunately a small, but growing number of small-minded people would like to spell out what they think constitutes freedom and family.

Considering that most of today's media is driven by sex and the prurient ( yet repressed all the same) i find this concept of banning nursing in public to be heinous and unconstitutional. Hey , if it offends you - don't STARE> it's a breast , not a weapon of mass destruction. Look the other way , hum the star-spangled banner and go about your own damn business. We are trying to feed a kid here . And that means less crying and impingement on your ( and our) right to a peaceful day.
That's why i posted what heretofore was a private photo .To show that if something as beautiful as sustaining a new life is somehow icky or distasteful or even uncomfortably sexy to you , then it is YOUR problem . So , deal with it. We nurse.