"The time has come," the Walrus said,"to speak of many things.
Of shoes -- and ships -- and sealing wax --
of cabbages and kings."
Of shoes -- and ships -- and sealing wax --
of cabbages and kings."
-Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking Glass
Today is the day my son and i have changed in an irrevocable way.
We are no longer nursing.
This week i have begun the long-awaited , yet not-quite-ready for process ( for both of us )
of weaning off of the breast.
Sigh.
This fills me with so many conflicting , yet necessary and i imagine quite un-extraordinary feelings . I am sure all breastfeeding mothers go through a similar contradiction of emotions - feeling on the precipice of a new freedom , a return to the concept of "my body" , the joy of watching your baby grow and develop beyond complete and total dependence into a little person all of his own . A King of a land yet to be conquered , one of his own imagination and the wide world beyond the safety and comfort of your warm breast.
Yet you have nourished him , comforted him , eased his pain and healed his ills , all the while keeping him warm and close- as close as possible without actually being in your womb , where his tiny and tenuous life began. It felt right. It felt good and it comforted you , too.
Now it is all changing and although it is time and it is going sweetly and not painlessly , it is going. Forever.
There is a bittersweet sadness that fills its place and the tears well up in my eyes as i feel the milk leave my body , never to return . I hold my son and cradle him as he whimpers and sighs - resigned that "Mama's milk is all gone" .
My love grows exponentially to fill the gap- but does he feel it ? Will he remember this day in his bones ? I will . I know it is the 'right' thing and the right time , as we have tried before , several times with very little success and this time Colin told me it was time. He showed me signs and i started to offer other comforts in place of nursing. He accepted , a bit begrudgingly but accepted nonetheless and we eased into it , together. He cried , i cried and then we found each other again , in a new way. He is sleeping as i write this - the third time without a "nite-nite " nursing and he is breathing easily and heavily in slumber . My heart still feels heavy.
It isn't as easy as i wanted it to be.
I have cabbage leaves in my bra ( an old folk remedy that sounds and feels ridiculous , yet works) to stop engorgement and soothe the pain. I cut fresh sage and mint from my herb garden for tea to help dry up the milk and i am feasting on cabbage , sorrel and parsley soup to aid in the process as well .
I have done everything i can do now i must let time heal the rest and let go , just a little .
Sleep well , my petit chou prince. I still love you so.
We are no longer nursing.
This week i have begun the long-awaited , yet not-quite-ready for process ( for both of us )
of weaning off of the breast.
Sigh.
This fills me with so many conflicting , yet necessary and i imagine quite un-extraordinary feelings . I am sure all breastfeeding mothers go through a similar contradiction of emotions - feeling on the precipice of a new freedom , a return to the concept of "my body" , the joy of watching your baby grow and develop beyond complete and total dependence into a little person all of his own . A King of a land yet to be conquered , one of his own imagination and the wide world beyond the safety and comfort of your warm breast.
Yet you have nourished him , comforted him , eased his pain and healed his ills , all the while keeping him warm and close- as close as possible without actually being in your womb , where his tiny and tenuous life began. It felt right. It felt good and it comforted you , too.
Now it is all changing and although it is time and it is going sweetly and not painlessly , it is going. Forever.
There is a bittersweet sadness that fills its place and the tears well up in my eyes as i feel the milk leave my body , never to return . I hold my son and cradle him as he whimpers and sighs - resigned that "Mama's milk is all gone" .
My love grows exponentially to fill the gap- but does he feel it ? Will he remember this day in his bones ? I will . I know it is the 'right' thing and the right time , as we have tried before , several times with very little success and this time Colin told me it was time. He showed me signs and i started to offer other comforts in place of nursing. He accepted , a bit begrudgingly but accepted nonetheless and we eased into it , together. He cried , i cried and then we found each other again , in a new way. He is sleeping as i write this - the third time without a "nite-nite " nursing and he is breathing easily and heavily in slumber . My heart still feels heavy.
It isn't as easy as i wanted it to be.
I have cabbage leaves in my bra ( an old folk remedy that sounds and feels ridiculous , yet works) to stop engorgement and soothe the pain. I cut fresh sage and mint from my herb garden for tea to help dry up the milk and i am feasting on cabbage , sorrel and parsley soup to aid in the process as well .
I have done everything i can do now i must let time heal the rest and let go , just a little .
Sleep well , my petit chou prince. I still love you so.
3 comments:
:(
Aww, beautiful post and beautiful picture. So sweet.
N.
That's very sweet. And the cabbage-leaf thing has been studied, and it works. For real.
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