Sorry i haven't written...

...we've been in the garden.

Halloween 2009

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Make a Smilebox postcard

An Artist is Born

Colin has had a recent breakthrough with his communication skills.
You may remember many months ago he was well on his way to talking - learning new words and saying them frequently - as well as babbling in his very own dialectic form of Toddlerese.
Then it virtually stopped .

He decided to use a handful of words and sound effects (his preferred choice ) to get across his meaning- and that's it . He refused to use the words i know he already learned - lovely little words like 'flower' and 'squirrel' and 'owl' . Instead when prompted - either while reading together or seeing something on the Telly or in the great outdoors - he would give a resounding " NOOOO" with a sly smile and an utter look of defiance in his brow.

It was as if he was afraid to make a mistake. If he couldn't say it perfectly ( to his own satisfaction - we would always clap no matter how close he got ) he wouldn't even bother trying to say a word. Oh , no ! Was this an early sign of perfectionism ?
It does run in the family ...


Sigh . This was frustrating but i took it as a sign of typical Toddler independence and since he understood nearly all we said to him ( and each other , it seems ) i backed off.

Since mothers are doomed to compare their offspring to others ( yes, even when you KNOW better ) i would think to myself , " well , he's ahead of so & so who is still basically grunting and he is behind you know who who knows all of the names for construction and transportation vehicles . So what ? He makes himself understood and is smart as a whip . He knows how to unlock doors and get himself a snack - what else does he need right now ? So we waited.
and waited. "Nooooooo. " ; )

Well , Mama seems to have offered the proper incentive. He has been enjoying drawing lately so i went out and got him the 64 piece set of Crayola's with the pencil sharpener ( yes he has figured out how to use the sharpener already, see? NOT dumb .)
So i decided to try something.

Me : " Look Collie , NEW crayons , do you like them ."
Him : "Umm Hmm" ( emphatically a Yes)
Me: Ok , Can you say CRAYONS and Mama will give them to you.
Him : NOOOOOOOOO. ; )
Me : Just say Cray- ons . Cray - ons , see ? Just like this - Cray - ons.
Him : CWAAAAYYY - OOONNNSSS.
Me : YES !!!!
He got his crayons and went to town.

So there you have it . A new word.
And many more have followed .
He has been saying new words in rapid -fire succession ever since.

So , who says you shouldn't bribe your kids ?

Summertime

Well , i am out of mourning and have moved on to the new freedom weaning has given me and my son. We are keeping busy with all kinds of fun summer activities and since i haven't posted in awhile i will share some new photos here.

i hope all of you are enjoying the sun's rays and these hazy, lazy, crazy days of summer with your friends and families...

Of Cabbages and Kings

"The time has come," the Walrus said,

"to speak of many things.
Of shoes -- and ships -- and sealing wax --
of cabbages and kings."

-Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking Glass

Today is the day my son and i have changed in an irrevocable way.
We are no longer nursing.

This week i have begun the long-awaited , yet not-quite-ready for process ( for both of us )
of weaning off of the breast.
Sigh.
This fills me with so many conflicting , yet necessary and i imagine quite un-extraordinary feelings . I am sure all breastfeeding mothers go through a similar contradiction of emotions - feeling on the precipice of a new freedom , a return to the concept of "my body" , the joy of watching your baby grow and develop beyond complete and total dependence into a little person all of his own . A King of a land yet to be conquered , one of his own imagination and the wide world beyond the safety and comfort of your warm breast.
Yet you have nourished him , comforted him , eased his pain and healed his ills , all the while keeping him warm and close- as close as possible without actually being in your womb , where his tiny and tenuous life began. It felt right. It felt good and it comforted you , too.
Now it is all changing and although it is time and it is going sweetly and not painlessly , it is going. Forever.
There is a bittersweet sadness that fills its place and the tears well up in my eyes as i feel the milk leave my body , never to return . I hold my son and cradle him as he whimpers and sighs - resigned that "Mama's milk is all gone" .
My love grows exponentially to fill the gap- but does he feel it ? Will he remember this day in his bones ? I will . I know it is the 'right' thing and the right time , as we have tried before , several times with very little success and this time Colin told me it was time. He showed me signs and i started to offer other comforts in place of nursing. He accepted , a bit begrudgingly but accepted nonetheless and we eased into it , together. He cried , i cried and then we found each other again , in a new way. He is sleeping as i write this - the third time without a "nite-nite " nursing and he is breathing easily and heavily in slumber . My heart still feels heavy.
It isn't as easy as i wanted it to be.
I have cabbage leaves in my bra ( an old folk remedy that sounds and feels ridiculous , yet works) to stop engorgement and soothe the pain. I cut fresh sage and mint from my herb garden for tea to help dry up the milk and i am feasting on cabbage , sorrel and parsley soup to aid in the process as well .
I have done everything i can do now i must let time heal the rest and let go , just a little .
Sleep well , my petit chou prince. I still love you so.

Colin Turns Two- March 29, 2008

Cheese and Dumplings

It has been awhile since my last post as the cold weather does its best to get a stranglehold grip on my psyche. I am in uber-hibernation mode these days , barely venturing out of the house lest i frost-bite Buggle's beautiful rosy cheeks into frozen lady apples.

It has been bitter cold here and i leave the house to go to my yoga class on Sunday mornings ( my 'church' ) and to do a bit of grocery shopping- that's it . We while away the long Winter days playing games of hide and seek under the heavy blankets and 'let's cuddle and read a story' - my sneaky ways of keeping warm amidst the chill. That baby boy generates heat like a lilliputian furnace and i am no fool - i keep him close on the blustery days.

We watch the hours pass like snowflakes - which are decidedly absent from our Virginian landscape - always on the forecast but never arriving , it seems.
We keep busy putting stickers on the dog , dancing to various drumbeats- real and imagined- with our Uggs on and having tea and a mid-day snack with Winnie the Pooh ( the old one , not that horrid new version on the Dismay channel ) or Beatrix Potter - Bug's current favorite.

He repeatedly REPEATEDLY requests 'Ummies and Caw Caw" ( like the French word for Duck Canard -dangerous if mis-pronounced ) which loosely translated means - 'Tom Kitten and Jemima Puddle Duck" Over and Over and Over , as an almost-two year old is wont to do. I find myself willingly donning my inner thespian's cap and reciting along with the characters word for word. What else is a mama to do ?

At least it isn't Barney . The Great Purple One and his frighteningly annoying entourage of pod children are officially banned at our house.
Mean , i know , but really , there are limits if one wants to remain sane in the dead of Winter.


For a mean recipe to beat the Winter Doldrums visit Sunday Dinner ( it involves Dumplings )

Meme , you're it .

Ok , so i was needing a good fire-starter to finally update my flagging blog entries here on Hysteria Lane - i mean it has been a COLD winter and i have really been hibernating these past few weeks ( and months) - Well , Fleur from Frangible Pie tagged me with a Meme entitled
" 7 Weird Things about me " . What ? Just 7 ? You mean i have to narrow down all the weirdness that my persnality and my life encompasses into 7 measly things ? Ha - for anyone that knows me they are really laughing at how my lazy self is going to have to work hard on this one .
But , i digress .
Onto the Weird....

7 Weird Things about Moi

(This first one is inspired by a similar Buddha-nature spirit who confessed to an unnatural love of mice and their well-being. )

1.) i once saved a mouse from impending doom while working for Nutri-System in the eighties (when they were all the rage ) I saw him- the mouse in question (as did numerous waiting clients ) race across the waiting room floor one evening around closing time . We kept many boxes of that horrid freeze-dried and vacuum -sealed food product on our shelves and i am sure he thought he was living at the Ratz-Carlton !
Anyhoo , i was ordered by my superiors to trap and kill the little bugger PRONTO -
but i just couldn't do it. After having him leave happy trails for a few excruciating days of deliberation i finally got a have-a-heart trap and promptly caught him , releasing him in the woods nearby.
A recent enjoyable viewing of Ratatouille and several Beatrix Potter videos with my son reminds me just WHY his Mommy is so weird. His little face is so in awe of all animals these days. He has a very gentle and sweet nature , not unlike a mouse.
Mice, in my humble opinion are small , maligned creatures who , yes , even as vermin , still have a place in this world - granted not in my kitchen or in a place of business.
So, go in Peace mice , i bid you well. You are VERY lucky i don't have cats anymore( due to death and my husband's unfortunate allergies.) Frida was a devoted Mouser.
Lucky for them , Lula the chihuahua is deathly afraid of mice . She poses zero threat unless you want to count the shaky growling and puffing noise that emanates from her tiny quaking frame upon sighting any small moving critter.

2. ) I enjoy munching on raw potatoes and salt.

3.) I have several dozen nick-names for my son ( like i have for all of my pets )and he responds to all of them .
He will not, however, respond if i call him 'chair' or ' le auto-bus' .

4. ) i love to sniff my dog's 'stink ears' they smell like a mix between mice ( there's that weird affection for mice again ) and chocolate - hence my nickname for her - 'Chocolate Mouse'

5.) i frequently buy books , films and CD's that i already own - out there somewhere.
They are either packed away , lost or sometimes i just forget i already have them.

6.) For someone who rarely has the opportunity or the wardrobe to accompany them anymore- i love garter belts , pantyhose and stockings, retro corseted girdles etc . under suits and demure clothing. yes , they are all uncomfortable. but i like it.
Throwback to the Fifties, anyone ??

7.) i rarely change out of my pajamas before 4:00 in the afternoon ( unless i am leaving the house which really only happens a few days a week ) I have gone outside to get the mail in full pj regalia more than once. My son frequently has 'pajama day ' with his weirdo Mama.

Well, that's seven.

See ? I am out of time already and i was just getting warmed up.

Egads - what WILL the neighbors think now ?

Thanks Fleur for exposing me .
Now i taunt Zen , Lipby, and Hazmat to the same fate .
Make me laugh , i dare you.

A New Friend

I don't know who Colin likes better his ' Big Car' or ' Teddy ' but they pretty much get equal play these days. Teddy was a gift from Grammy and Grampy and the truck is from his birthday last year.

His other current favorites are his wooden 'Too-Tooey' (Brio train set) , his play kitchen and his 'Ummies' (stuffed cats ). He misses the 'stars' ( Christmas Tree) and looks for the 'Moonie' every night before bed. He has Croup , Mama's surgery , molars and the wee beginnings of toilet training under his belt now and is no worse for the wear (yet), although Mama & Dada are a little rough around the edges these days.

(outfit above knitted by Bug's great-grandmother who is 99 years young )

Mr Buggles takes it all in stride in his toddler -sized UGGS and is looking forward to turning 2 in a few short months so he can say "NO" with even more precision and confidence.

Stay tuned for more pics and Bugdates soon...

From Our Family to Yours

Happy New Year !

Christmas Spirit

Help spread the cheer ...

I just posted some new photos from a Holiday party we attended this past weekend on Sunday Dinner ( my foodie blog ) please visit and share the link with anyone you think might need a dose of Christmas spirit. There is nothing like some spiked eggnog , cherry-cheeked tots and twinkling lights to de-frost the most reluctant of Scrooges . It worked for the Bumble and it worked for me .
; )

Cheers !

(click on Sunday Dinner above for direct link to photos )

Getting in the Spirit

Buggles got his first pair of snow boots this year.
We made a special trip to Target to get boots, mittens,hats & a snowsuit to prepare for the predicted storm on its way here from up North.

The last week or so has heralded some icy cold weather and has curtailed our family walks a bit. We were in sore need of the Christmas spirit though, so cold as it was we all bundled up and headed out for a nighttime walk in search of the first Christmas lights.

One small house ( yet to be gentrified in our upwardly mobile neighborhood) had the cutest lights and decorations and i just had to snap a few elfin shots of Colin (in last year's snowbaby jumper )in the foreground. The pictures ended up having a very fifties feel to them . A bit of nostalgia is always good for the soul.

Colin was so entranced and awed by the 'stars' that he stood stock still and frozen in front of them for several minutes, allowing for a couple of great shots to be taken.

We put up our tree , hung the lights and this weekend will finish decorating and wrapping presents. Fa la lala la la la la la.

I can feel the humbug starting to fade away little by little ...
; )

There's snow on the horizon tomorrow , too.
A white Christmas always gets me in the mood.

Sunday Paper

Earth

Mama Says Om ( a site i contribute to regularly ) has announced they will be closing their doors to pursue other ventures . Although saddened by the news , i understand the need for change.

My life is embarking on a sea-change of its own , i feel its rumblings just beneath the patch of earth i inhabit and i embrace it - two hands plunged into the mud . I am ready to build a new sand castle while the other washes away into the tide.

We must constantly change and grow - not unlike our children - and sometimes the process is painful and rigorous and ...scary. We cling to the idea of our comfort zone - even when it doesn't work anymore . It is a hard habit to break.

It is so easy in our current culture to discard the old for the new , to build over the earth rather than work with what we already have in order to improve it .

Sometimes it is good( and necessary) to shed an old skin or an old tooth when a new , more mature one pushes its way to the surface . Sometimes it is even better to mix a new color , plant a new crop , try a new way of seeing or doing what it is that we do instead of giving up or remaining stagnant.

Change can be healthy . Change can give birth to what was once only a dream. Staying firmly planted to the Earth in the process is the challenge.


for mama says om

Sous Chef

We have decided to get my 19 month old son a play kitchen for Christmas this year. He has been showing signs of interest in the culinary arts for a few months - watching his mama cook , learning how to open drawers and cabinets , playing with bowls, measuring cups and various utensils. He even goes into my kitchen island spice pantry and re-arranges the herbs and spices .

And of course he loves to eat !
He is showing every sign of following in his Epicurean mother's footsteps . Why not encourage it ?
Why should boys miss out on all of the Foodie fun ?
I , for one admire men who can cook .
It is not so strange in Europe but here in the USA it is still not the norm to encourage boys to learn the kitchen arts . Very sad , in my humble opinion.

If i have anything to say about it , Colin will be well-versed in the kitchen and know his way around a car engine , too. ; )

see this weeks SUNDAY DINNER for more on the subject of playing with your food ....

Image Crazy

Well , being in a sick bed has its advantages.
I may not be able to go out and take photographs but i can scour the archives for now...

i started a new blog called Persistence of Vision -
a photo blog of sorts -to house my more artistically inclined pieces.
If something doesn't fit here on Hysteria Lane or
at Sunday Dinner , my food blog
then it will most likely end up HERE

Please visit if you have any interest in the visual .
There should be a little something for everyone
eventually.

Remember a photo a day helps keep the Doctor away...

Giving

anne lydiat


Is anyone else out there tired of giving ? Ever ?
I feel like i give 150% of myself everyday and just now as i re-cupe from surgery ( see posts below for details) i am feeling a tad used-up .

My sis-in-law sent me a topic "the Meaning of the use of the term 'Bitch' in modern society "and it really got me thinking. Being a former student of film studies and cultural criticism , of course i am familiar with this subject . It has long been discussed among feminists.
But of course , today i personalized it . I was feeling a bit bitchy, i guess.

This is what i wrote :

i am sure my husband , if asked right now , would say i am a Supreme Bitch.
He has had to take on my role for a little over a week
( with the help of babysitters AND a nanny )
and has voiced his displeasure more than once about how hard it is to take care of someone who "is difficult to be with"(and he meant me , not our 19 month old son)

Am i being a Bitch , perhaps ?
Actually, i am just a woman who is in pain ,
more or less helpless due to undergoing surgery to improve her health
and her ability to be a good wife and mother . I am a woman who is missing her baby terribly and her freedom and is in need of a little compassion and understanding during her short but necessary hiatus from
all of her 'womanly' duties.
Too much to ask ?
My husband, to be fair , is trying his best.
Am i in a bad mood and less than pleasant ?
Yes.

So what ?
Men bring their day home constantly and sometimes become angry, impatient and critical , then turn sullen , silent and unreachable at times-
all with the expectation of our understanding , tolerance and compassion.
And we give it , don't we ?
So why is it when women ask the same of their men
they get labeled and dismissed as a 'Bitch' ?
Because the true definition of Bitch is a female dog-
and when one is treated as such and gets beaten down enough ( as loyal and loving as dogs normally are to man)
- they can snarl and bite when provoked !

After all , it is our only self-defense in a world still hostile to female power.
Our voice, that is.

SO , i say -
Bite back , ladies.
We can give as good as we get , can't we ?

New

After Surgery

Well, i made it . The new and hopefully improved sans uteri me.
I have yet to feel hopeful though , i have to be honest.
The new me is struggling.

I ended up having abdominal surgery again due to complications and the recovery this time around ( as opposed to my c-section )has been a bit harrowing , to say the least , but i am on the mend.

The surgery was complicated and i ended up staying in the hospital for three days before being discharged home. My husband brought my son to see me the day after my surgery and he was so shy and scared. He just gave me a tentative little smile and then grabbed me and clung to my side like a squirrel monkey , falling asleep for over an hour. I cried like a baby, it was so good to hold him. As much pain as i had , i still couldn't wait for my Doctor to release me so i could go home.

The hardest part for me , physical pain notwithstanding , is not being able to care for my son for 6 weeks. We have had to hire a temporary nanny because i cannot lift or carry or go up stairs for that long until all of my incisions heal properly. I also had bladder surgery so a lot has to re-coup before i can return to being the active Super-Mama i was before the surgery.
I am already going crazy .

I miss Colin so much it makes my heart ache. Oh sure , i get to see him throughout the day but it has become too difficult because he wants to nurse , be picked up , be lifted and swirled around and have me chase him and get on the floor to play with him.. He really doesn't understand when i try to explain why Mama can't do any of those things right now - and we both end up crying.
It is so hard. It pains me like nothing else ever has.

So , i have taken to hiding out in the bedroom, listening to another woman care for my sweet sweet little boy . At night , i lay in bed and listen to my husband upstairs playing with him and making him laugh , getting ready for bed.
He comes down with Collie in his jammies, all fresh and rosy from his bath and my baby gives me an angels soft and downy fragrant kiss .It melts me everytime.
I know , in my heart , in a a few weeks everything will be all right.We will all weather this ~
But i hate being like this. Knowing and feeling are too different things , aren't they ?
In the meantime I pray for a swift recovery but rIght now i feel like a shadow of my former self.

Whoever tells you losing a uterus is no big deal has only one foot in reality.
It is hard , no matter the circumstances , to lose a part of yourself, even one that you willingly let go of. It changes you.


And you become something, someone new.


Before- the day my son was born